It Was Always You
by jennifer snape
Summary: A face from the past returns and changes everything for Remus. But this wasn’t supposed to happen! After all, he likes his life just the way it is...he couldn’t ask for anything more...could he? Eventual RLSB. Also HPDM.
1. Prologue

Remus' life is pretty near perfect. What more could he ask for…?

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**It Was Always You**

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**Prologue**

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Remus twirled his new wife across the floor one last time before catching her in his arms just as the pianist struck the last chord. She collapsed against him in a heap of breathless giggles, her glowing crimson hair and white lace gown fluttering wildly. Tonks was just perfect…. And she was his.

He smiled softly at her before leaning down to brush a kiss on her cheek. "You make me so happy," he murmured into her hair, his hot breath tickling her neck as the other couples started to move off the floor. She only sighed in reply, delighting in the feel of her husband's touch. _Husband_…. She smiled. She could get used to that.

The billowing white cotton sails of the outdoor marquee, in which their reception was being held, echoed the soft pleats in the beautiful, simply tailored gown that Tonks wore. Remus marvelled at the breathtaking woman he held in his arms. She was simply radiant. His strong grasp lowering to her waist, Remus pulled back a little, long enough to hold her gaze for a moment. She reddened slightly and let her hands rest on the back of his neck, slipping her fingers beneath his collar, leaning a little closer.

Remus didn't want this day to end. This was the happiest he had been since…. He frowned a little, his mind wandering back…. _The smiling man threw his head back and laughed. That barking, infectious laugh that always made Remus involuntarily join in. Remus pulled him towards him and ran a tender hand through those wavy, dark locks, pulling him closer, closer_…. Remus looked away guiltily and drew back a little, trying to force the thought from his mind. He shook his head. That was in the past. There wasn't any point thinking about that now. He turned his attention back to his new wife and brushed a stray hair from her forehead.

Tonks stared into those deep, captivating eyes and sighed. They had come a long, long way together, there was no denying that. But every step of the journey had been worth it if the dizzy, elated feeling that she was experiencing right now was anything to go by.

Just to her left, someone cleared their throat, startling her out of her reverie. "Mind if I cut in?"

"Arthur!" Tonks grinned.

The band struck up a jolly number as Arthur Weasley clapped Remus on the shoulder and smiled at the couple.

"Great timing, Arthur," Remus joked, rolling his eyes playfully. "I'll have to get Molly to give you a talking to." He gave Tonks a quick kiss on the forehead and handed her to him. "Hmm," Remus continued, "I'll have to see if I can steal your lovely wife for the next dance Arthur – give you a run for your money!" He smirked.

"Good luck!" the red-haired man replied, waggling his eyebrows comically in Molly's direction. She was engaged in a rather violent foxtrot with Dumbledore. It was made even more comical by the fact that he was a good foot taller than Mrs. Weasley. "You have to hand it to her," he remarked, snorting, "she's making a valiant attempt at keeping up!"

Remus chuckled and held his hands up in mock surrender. "I think I'll just sit this one out." He winked at Tonks as she was whisked away into an up-tempo jive.

Remus walked towards the buffet table and ladled himself a glass of punch, then rested against the edge to watch Tonks laughingly copy Arthur's energetic movements, all but tripping over her floor length dress. He stifled a smirk and let his gaze wander. All his nearest and dearest family and friends had gathered there today. Dumbledore and Harry, the Weasleys, all the members of the Order, Hogwarts staff, Tonks' parents…. He was so touched that everyone had come. Everyone. His face fell a little at this thought, and he absentmindedly swirled the dark liquid round his glass, exhaling heavily as he gazed thoughtfully into the distance. _Not quite everyone_….

Remus gritted his teeth in annoyance and rubbed his eyes. _What's wrong with you, damn it. You've got everything you want, _he scolded himself._ Stop being stupid_.

_Except you haven't got everything, have you?_ a tiny voice reminded him, from the very depths of his mind.

"Shut up," he growled to no-one in particular.

"I never said anything!" came the indignant response.

Remus' eyes sprang open in surprise, to see an amused Fred looking at him.

"I know this is your wedding day, Remus, but that doesn't give you an excuse to insult your guests!" He tried to fake a hurt look but ended up snorting.

Remus relaxed into an easy smile and clapped him on his back. "Just muttering to myself. Are you having a good time?"

"Excellent!" Fred proceeded to peer into the large bowl at the centre of the table.

"Take it easy on the punch, ok?" Remus said, watching the young man serve himself a generous helping. "I don't know who made it, but it's very strong."

"Hmm, probably mum," Fred replied. "We've got more Weasley recipes than I can remember. Oh, that reminds me, I'll get an extra glass as well. She'll probably need it after Dumbledore finishes with her!" He jerked a thumb over his shoulder.

Remus turned to discover that Molly and Albus were still going strong – with what now appeared to be an Irish jig.

He waved Fred off and the young man raised his glass to Remus before trotting away. The image triggered a memory in Remus' mind - one that had lain dormant for a long time…. Almost involuntarily, he closed his eyes as his mind drifted back….

_Dumbledore raised his glass to propose a toast and the members of the Order all followed suit._

"_To new beginnings, new friendships, and love!_"

"_Beginnings, friendships, and love!" everyone chorused._

_Remus lowered his glass to his lips and smiled at the others around the table in the dining room of Grimmauld Place, taking care not to let his gaze rest for too long on the person who happened to be sitting to the far left of him._

_Suddenly he felt a brush against his cheek and started, sloshing his drink a little, and murmured a cleaning spell just as Tonks pecked him on the cheek a second time. _"_Making you nervous, am I?_"_ she teased softly, only loud enough for him to hear._

_Remus swallowed nervously, feeling rather than seeing the frown that Sirius was boring into the back of Tonks' head._

"_Don't,_"_ he replied softly, avoiding her gaze._

_She pouted playfully and lightly touched his arm in what could easily be perceived as an innocent gesture. _"_Oh come on_…."_ She tucked her arm through his lightly, only to have him firmly remove it. She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. _"_You're no fun!_"

_Remus only reddened and waited until she had engaged in a conversation with Kingsley, who was sitting on her other side, before daring to meet Sirius' eyes._

_Sirius' mouth was set in a firm line and he appeared to be sitting rigidly in his chair. He raised his eyebrows and flicked his gaze briefly towards Tonks and back again to Remus. He got up from his seat and gave Remus a pointed look before excusing himself to leave the room, clearly indicating that Remus should follow._

_Remus cleared his throat a little and gave it a few minutes before pushing his own chair back and following suit._

_He passed along the corridor and went through to the kitchen, his breathing suddenly beginning to quicken slightly. He felt sure that Sirius would be waiting for him in the lounge, but he needed to clear his throat first. He felt so dry. Without bothering to turn the light on, he walked straight to the sink, flicked on the tap and poured himself a glass of water, turning around to rest against the worktop as he raised the cool water to his lips. As he did so, his gaze flicked to the other side of the room. The glass fell from his hand._

_Damn it! Remus grasped for his wand to clear up the shattered remains on the floor, but Sirius beat him to it. With a lazy flick of his wand, the broken shards were gone._

_Remus exhaled loudly. _"_Damn it, Sirius, sneaking up on me like that!_"_ He rubbed his eyes. _"_You'll give me a heart attack one of these days._"

_Sirius replaced his wand in his sleeve and smirked, placing his hands lazily in his pockets and pushing away from the far wall. _"_You'll have to be quicker than that, Remus. I could have been anyone. It doesn't pay to be off your guard. Voldemort may be gone, but he still has plenty of followers. Any one of them could follow in his footsteps._"_ His voice became bitter as he neared the centre of the room. _"_And what a tidy little package we'd make – all of us, here in Headquarters, completely off our guard._"_ His voice thickened. _"_Making toasts about friendship and love…. How cosy._"

_He turned away and there was silence for a few moments until Sirius spoke once more._

"_What the hell was _that_, by the way?_"_ he snapped, jerking his head in the direction of the dining room._

_Remus shifted his weight uneasily and looked at Sirius' back. _"_What was what?_"_ he replied, his voice rising a little. He raked a hand through his hair nervously._

_Sirius whirled around to face him, his eyes darkening. _"_Don't give me that! You know full well what. Tonks! She was all over you!_"

_Remus exhaled, refusing to meet_ _his stare. _"_Come on, Sirius. It's nothing - _"

_Sirius stepped closer until they were barely a foot apart._

_Remus was suddenly aware that he was holding his breath. His gaze dropped to the floor._

"_Look at me,_"_ Sirius murmured softly._

_Remus resolutely studied the pattern of the floor tiles, his face reddening slightly._

_Sirius stepped closer still and brushed a finger against the underside of Remus' chin. His voice lowered to a soft whisper. _"_Look at me_…."_ He tilted his chin upwards and those piercing eyes bore right through into Remus' very soul._

_Remus shivered._

_Sirius' gaze enveloped him, and as he leaned closer, his musky scent washing over him, Remus felt himself falling all over again_….

A rather rough shove jolted Remus back into the present and he reddened slightly, almost expecting someone to have noticed what he had been thinking.

"Ooops, sorry Remus!" Ron's apology was partially muffled by the two biscuits that he had just stuffed into his mouth.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh for goodness sake, Ron," she scolded, grasping him by his elbow. "Can't you at least _pretend_ to have some manners?" She threw Remus an apologetic look as she steered Ron away.

Remus gave her a half smile and inhaled a shaky breath, his mind still preoccupied. He leaned against the table and loosened his tie a little. When did it suddenly get so hot? He took a good few seconds to steady himself before turning once more to survey the crowd.

His gaze was suddenly captured by Tonks, who was deep in conversation with her mother, Andromeda. Tonks' dark, expressive eyes mirrored those of her mother, and sparks of excitement flew every so often from the tips of her short, cropped hair. Her tinkling laugh carried across the room and he watched her throw her head back and laugh heartily at something that her mother had just said.

"It's your wedding and it seems to me that you are the only one not dancing," a soft voice suddenly said in Remus' ear.

He recognised that voice immediately without needing to turn around. A small smile stole over his face.

Dumbledore followed Remus' gaze and his eyes came to rest on the red-haired girl talking animatedly at the other end of the marquee. He darted a quick glance at the man next to him. "You're a lucky man, Remus," he remarked.

"I know, Albus," he exhaled softly, never taking his eyes off Tonks. "I really am."

"She loves you very much."

"And I her," Remus whispered.

Albus remained quiet.

They watched Tonks playfully push Charlie Weasley as he picked her up and twirled her around before depositing her unceremoniously on the ground once more.

"You've given her a wonderful day."

"She deserves a wonderful life," Remus replied, a little hollowly. The words were out of his mouth before he realised. He was suddenly mortified to realise that he had tears welling in his eyes.

Dumbledore turned away slightly and busied himself with a dessert plate, taking rather longer than was necessary to choose a cake to eat, as Remus hurriedly dried his eyes.

A few long moments passed by.

"Do you love her, Remus?"

If anyone else had asked that question, his answer would have been an indignant affirmative. But somehow all he could manage was "I – I want her to be happy".

Dumbledore's expression softened a little. "There's a difference between wanting someone to be happy and wanting to _make_ someone happy."

Remus fixed his gaze on her, suddenly feeling unnerved. He tried to make his brain focus…. He enjoyed her company. He felt comfortable with her. She made him smile, and think about things, and laugh like no one else…. _Wasn't that love?_

Albus placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Do you love her?" he repeated softly.

Remus watched his wife shyly display her wedding ring to Ginny and saw the girl's eyes widen at the cluster of tiny diamonds. 'You're so lucky!' he saw Ginny mouth, and a blush tinged Tonks' cheeks. Remus set his jaw determinedly and straightened himself a little.

"_Yes_," he replied.

Dumbledore smiled a little sadly and gave Remus' shoulder one last squeeze. "Then I wish you well."

And with that the older wizard walked away. Remus stood alone, Dumbledore's words echoing in his mind….

_Do you love her?_

_There's a difference between wanting someone to be happy and wanting to _make_ someone happy_….

_Do you love her_….

Tonks suddenly scanned the crowd and met his gaze. She smiled, a smile that lit up her entire face, and beckoned to him to come and join them.

Remus' expression softened and he nodded in agreement. He took a deep breath, and - raising a hand to straighten his tie - put his best foot forward.

To join her, and start the rest of his life.

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This is new territory for me because I'm usually a HarryDraco writer, but I thought I'd give Remus and Sirius a go! It's a little slow moving in this first installment, but I just wanted to establish a few characters at the beginning. I'd love it if you let me know what you think of it so far!


	2. The Guest

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Chapter 1: The Guest 

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_Two years later_….

A loud _CRASH_ shattered the early morning silence and Remus groaned as he was startled awake. _What on earth was that? _He cracked open one eye and was greeted with the sight of his wife hopping around the bedroom, her foot in one shoe, as she frantically looked for the other underneath the bedside table that she had just clumsily upturned.

She shot an apologetic look in Remus' direction and carefully repositioned the wooden table, trying to make as little noise as possible. Remus chuckled sleepily and rolled onto his stomach once more. After further scuffling, which Remus managed to successfully block out by wrapping the duvet about his head, Tonks finally located her missing footwear beneath a pile of shirts and proceeded to fasten the clasp around her ankle, wobbling as she did so.

Remus stretched lazily and rubbed his eyes. He exhaled loudly and rolled over onto his side, shielding his eyes from the piercing sunlight that filtered through the gap in the curtains. He squinted at the alarm clock as the flashing green digits slowly swam into focus.

_7:30am._

Remus groaned and buried his face in the pillow. He hated mornings. Tonks sneaked a sidelong glance at her husband, and once she was satisfied that he had fallen asleep again, sat lightly on the edge of the bed to steady herself while she fastened the buckle of her shoe. At that moment he sneakily darted his arm out from beneath the covers and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her backwards on top of him.

"Remus!" Tonks squealed. "Not now!" But her protests were muffled as he playfully wrestled her to the mattress, pinning her beneath him.

He grinned sexily and lowered his head over hers for a kiss but she swatted at him in annoyance. "I haven't got time for this!"

"Come on," he coaxed, circling his arms around her waist despite her protests.

But still she pushed at him, and although she felt a little stab of guilt as she saw the slightly hurt look that drifted over his features, she quickly justified it. _I'm getting ready for work, for goodness sake_, she reminded herself. She couldn't just prat around in bed when she should be getting dressed….

_That didn't used to bother you_, a little niggling voice said, but she ignored it. Ok, so she might have enjoyed fooling around like this with Remus when they were first married, but now they had responsibilities, didn't they? After all, they weren't a newly married couple anymore - they should be able to resist their urges for more than five minutes. With this thought in mind, she struggled out from under Remus and scrambled off the bed, straightening her skirt.

"You know I have to be at work earlier than you," she scolded. "If it was the other way around you wouldn't appreciate me making _you_ late," she said huffily, reaching towards the dressing table for her bracelet before securing it around her wrist.

Remus sighed and lay back down on the covers, not bothering to argue, but Tonks was already too distracted to realise. "Look at my hair!" she suddenly wailed, as she caught sight of it in her mirror. The previously slicked back style now stuck out at various angles, courtesy of Remus' recent display of affection. She rolled her eyes at his heaped form and grabbed some hairclips, focussing on trying to restore some order to the bird's nest that was facing her in the mirror. She had nearly finished when a sudden thought flashed into her mind.

"Oooh, dnfogggebbottennite!"

"_What?_" Remus grunted in bewilderment.

Tonks removed the hairclip from her mouth. "Don't forget about tonight. What time do you think we should go? I'll probably be back from work around six-ish…."

_Go? Go where?_

"I think Harry said something like seven thirty, so we should be able to make it if we leave at about…."

Ah yes, Harry and Draco's engagement party. 

Remus smiled. He had been over the moon when the pair had announced their engagement. Of course, he had seen it coming – they had been together for nearly five years, and inseparable for longer. Remus' stomach suddenly jolted a little as he remembered something else that had happened five years ago…. But as quickly as the thought came to him, he forced it out of his mind, focussing instead on this evening. Draco had mentioned it to them a fortnight ago. Nothing major, he'd said. Just a few friends, something low-key. Remus suddenly felt himself smile as he thought of the couple. He was so happy that Harry and Draco had finally got their act together and decided to make it official. It may be an overused phrase, but if there were two people who were made for each other, it was definitely them.

The rest of what Tonks said was little more than a blur to Remus as she bent to plant a hurried kiss on his messy hair before rushing through the doorway.

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Remus travelled home by Floo in the early evening and dusted himself off as he stepped through the fireplace into the bedroom. It had been an unusually uneventful day at the Ministry office – he had spent most of it going through paperwork and filing reports.

After flinging his briefcase into the corner of the room, he ran a hand through his hair and walked towards the bed, unbuttoning his shirt as he did so. The scent of Tonks' bubble bath drifted through the corridor to greet him, just as it always did when he arrived home from work. _Mmm, musk_…. He loved that smell. He shrugged his shirt off, tossing it aside onto the mattress, and walked towards the wardrobe, glancing at the contents. _What to wear_. He laughingly considered wearing his comfy sweatshirt that Tonks abhorred but decided against it rather than listen to her moan all evening about him showing her up in front of everyone.

He casually flicked through the shirts hanging there, his hands rifling past the cotton garments, when suddenly, right at the very end of the rail, he brushed against the softness of one particular shirt that he had almost forgotten was there. Without warning his heart pounded a little faster and he felt a small lump form in his throat as he fingered the butterfly-soft material and raised it to his face, closing his eyes as he touched the cloth to his cheek. _Oh, that felt good_…. He made to replace the shirt, but suddenly stopped. He smiled a little sadly to himself. It might even fit after all these years.

Remus slipped his arms through the sleeves and felt the material caress his bare arms. The feel of it instantly reminded him of the last time when he had felt the same shirt ripple against his skin as he had been pressed into a desperate embrace…. But he quickly snapped his attention away from the thought as he felt his cheeks flush. He steadied himself against the wardrobe and inhaled a lungful of air. Suddenly it had become very hot in the room.

He turned to gaze at his reflection and felt an uneasy feeling creep up on him all of a sudden. He tugged at the collar, suddenly feeling a little suffocated. He quickly shrugged off the shirt and held it in his hands for a long moment.

"Oh, hi darling."

Tonks' voice startled him from just beyond the doorway. He dropped the shirt instantly as if it burned him and it fell onto the bed. In his reverie, he hadn't noticed her approaching.

She tied her dressing gown around her waist and looked at him standing there, wearing only his trousers, and wolf-whistled cheekily. He chuckled and sat down on the bed. She walked towards him, her eyes raking over his chest appreciatively, and pushed him backwards until he was flat on his back and beneath her. She hovered above him on all fours, her face just inches away from his. She licked her lips slowly, and felt him shift a little. "I'm sorry about this morning," she apologised softly, feeling a little guilty as she remembered how she had pushed him away. She lowered her head to whisper in his ear. "What do you say we just stay here and send Harry and Draco our apologies?" she teased suggestively.

She lightly traced her fingers down his chest, watching it rise and fall, rise and fall…. Her hands snaked around his back, and suddenly she touched something silky that didn't feel like the bedspread. She tugged at it until the whole garment was in her hands.

"Hey – what's this?"

Remus saw the shirt in her hands and quickly snatched it away. He couldn't explain the feeling, but somehow he didn't want her touching it.

Tonks gave him an amused stare.

"Nothing – it's nothing, " he retorted.

"What's the matter?" she grinned.

"Nothing! I'm fine!" he snapped. Her smile somehow exasperated him. "Why would anything be the matter?" he demanded hotly.

"Woah!" Tonks held her hands up defensively, laughing. "I'm only asking. What's got into you?" She let her hand rest on his thigh and she looked at him, a little bewildered.

Remus allowed his face to relax and forced a little laugh. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"Did you have a hard day?" she offered sympathetically.

Remus' eyes flickered a little. "Yes," he lied. Tonks had given him an easy way out. "Yeah, things were pretty hectic today. It's made me a bit snappy, I suppose." He felt a little guilty as he thought of the quiet day he had had, and looked away slightly.

"So, what happened?" She looked at him with concern.

_What?_ He turned back and looked blankly at her.

"At work today," she prompted.

_Work? Oh, right._

"Oh, you know," he said vaguely, his mind scanning wildly, "this and that – hey, why don't you wear your new green dress tonight?"

Tonks' face suddenly lit up and she smiled brightly. "Oooh, great idea!" She jumped off the bed and ran to the wardrobe, her mind suddenly captured by an image of the new outfit that she had bought the previous week.

Satisfied that her attention was fully occupied, Remus hurriedly snatched the shirt from behind his back and stuffed it in the drawer of his bedside cabinet, his throat suddenly feeling rather dry.

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About twenty minutes later, Tonks, partially obscured by the wardrobe door, spoke out to Remus. "What are you going to wear, darling?"

"Oh, er – I'll just wear - "

Tonks stuck her head around the door. "Hey – wear that new shirt! It'll look good on you."

"New shirt?" Remus echoed unsteadily.

Tonks' head disappeared once more as she flicked through her clothes. "The one you were holding just now. When did you get that, anyway? I don't think I've seen it before…."

Remus reddened and was thankful that his wife didn't see him blush. "Oh, er – it's - "

He couldn't think how to finish the sentence.

Tonks peered at him again. "Come on, get a move on, don't just sit there." She grabbed her dress off its hanger and slipped it on, then hurried into the bathroom to do her hair.

The moment she was gone Remus pulled the draw of his cabinet open, grabbed the shirt and strode towards the wardrobe, meaning to stuff it in the corner once more.

He had just replaced it on the hanger, when, suddenly feeling defiant, he pulled it off again. _What the hell_, he thought. _Am I frightened of a piece of clothing or something?_

In one swift movement he swung the soft garment around his body and buttoned the shirt, leaving the collar open. It hung a little loosely from his frame. The soft, light blue material fell from his broad shoulders, tracing lightly the contours of his arms. He raked his fingers through his sandy hair and checked his reflection. _Now that wasn't too hard, was it?_

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Half an hour later, Tonks and Remus apparated from their home to the foyer of the venue that Harry and Draco had specified. Tonks looked positively glowing in her green, knee-length dress and hot pink jacket. Her short red hair clashed madly with her outfit but in a strange, quirky way, she looked just right. Only Tonks could pull off an outfit like that. Remus, on the other hand, was dressed in a charcoal trouser suit with his blue shirt just visible through the front. He wore it with a casual effortlessness, as if he had just thrown on the clothes with little thought, but still he exuded that distinctive charm.

Harry appeared at the doorway to welcome them and threw his arms around the pair. "Great! You're here!" He was clearly happy to see them and treated them both to one of his huge grins.

"Here, let me take your coats," Harry offered, smiling brightly at his two dear friends. "Draco's around here somewhere - "

He had just turned to hang up their coats when a tall, stunning blonde man walked up, his hands resting casually in his pockets and a warm smile on his face. Tonks did a double take. "Draco!" Her eyes bulged as she took in the handsome man before her, looking him up and down appreciatively. To say that Draco looked good was an understatement. He was dressed in dark grey trousers and a crisp ice-blue shirt that accentuated his tall frame and matched his pale eyes perfectly. Over this he wore an open-fronted grey waistcoat that made him look every inch the English gentleman.

"Tonks, Remus!" Draco greeted them, giving them each a warm hug.

"You look great!" Tonks winked at him.

Draco winked back. "I'm sorry to disappoint you sweetheart, but I'm afraid I'm taken," he replied with mock regret, slinging his arm around Harry's waist. "At least for tonight, anyway," he quipped with a grin as the dark-haired man laughingly kissed him on the cheek.

"Come on through," Harry beckoned to the couple, indicating to them to go through to the main hall.

Tonks and Remus entered the room and their jaws dropped.

_Nothing major_, Remus snorted, remembering Draco's words when he had given them the invitation. _Low-key_. _Yeah, right!_ To say that this was low-key would be to say that Buckingham Palace was a one-bedroom cottage. The room was easily the size of the Hogwarts Great Hall and resembled the inside of a cathedral. It was already filled with countless guests - wizards, witches and Muggles, most of whom Tonks and Remus recognised. At the far end of the hall was a dance floor, and there were already a few couples twirling around to the music provided by the orchestra whose soft, bewitching tune beckoned them to enter.

Although it was early autumn the ceiling had been charmed to resemble a snowy winter's sky, with soft flakes falling from the heavens and disappearing just before they reached the ground. The only light in the room was provided by four huge fireplaces, which graced each of the four walls and emitted a warm, amber glow that bathed the surroundings. The flames danced and licked at the air, each spark throwing uneven shadows upon the beautiful stone floor. The walls were adorned with stained glass windows, the colours of which twinkled and sparkled in the firelight. The whole effect was breathtaking.

Draco regarded them with a grin. "Do you like it?"

Tonks realised that she was still gawping and turned to the blonde incredulously. "_Like_ it? Draco, it's _beautiful!_"

"No prizes for guessing who was in charge of the decoration," Harry remarked teasingly, indicating his fiancé.

Remus smiled to himself. _I've got to hand it to him_, he thought as he looked around, _the boy knows how to throw a party!_

"I'm extremely offended," Draco huffed at Harry, doing his best to look insulted.

The dark-haired man rolled his eyes affectionately at Draco and kissed him on the cheek. "You know I love you really."

Draco gave him a suggestive look. "Call _that_ a kiss? I'm sure you can do better than that, Potter." He raised an eyebrow at his fiancé and smirked as Harry blushed. "You're beautiful when you do that," Draco whispered, causing Harry's cheeks to redden even further. Tonks chuckled and tugged Remus further into the room to give the two some time alone.

"They're so cute," she remarked, with a silly smile on her face. "Look at them – they can't keep their hands off each other. Remember when we were like that?"

Tonks suddenly glanced at the string instruments as they struck up a familiar tune, and looked into Remus' eyes. "Does this remind you of anything?" She grinned up at him, thinking of their wedding day and the first dance that they had had as man and wife, to this very same song.

Remus smiled back and kissed the tip of her nose. "Nope, not a thing." He ducked, laughing, as she swiped her handbag playfully at his shoulder.

"Hey! No fighting allowed!" Draco teased, coming over with a tray of glasses. "Wine, Tonks?"

"Oooh, lovely!" she smiled, recognising instantly the deep crimson liquid. She kissed Draco on the cheek and picked up one of the glasses. "If there's one thing I like more than attacking Remus, it's Harry's mulled wine. Yum!" She tapped her glass against the one that her husband had just taken for himself and sipped the fruity drink.

Less than an hour later, the party was in full flow. Glasses clinked and people laughed and chattered. The dance floor filled to the sound of the band playing number after number, and Draco and Harry couldn't have looked happier or more in love. It was obvious from the way that their eyes lingered over each other, and from the little touches and glances, that they were crazy about each other, and it warmed Remus' heart to see it. _Tonks and I were like that_, he thought wistfully. He quickly corrected himself. _I mean, Tonks and I _are_ like that_.

A bit later in the evening, however, Remus noticed Harry's grow a little unsettled. He noticed him look around the room every so often, a slight frown across his features, but thought nothing of it. But when Harry scanned the crowd for the fourth time, he questioned him about it. He made his way towards the dark-haired man and gently squeezed his shoulder. "You seem a bit preoccupied…everything alright, Harry?"

Harry started a little then clapped Remus on his shoulder. "Oh, of course! Why wouldn't it be?" He relaxed into a smile. "More wine?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine," Remus replied, looking at Harry a little more closely. "You sure you're alright?"

Remus could have sworn that he saw a little flicker across Harry's face, but the second it appeared it was gone. "Yeah, I'm great!" Harry said quickly. But there was the slightest trace of disappointment in his eyes as he smiled.

Remus spent the rest of the evening catching up with friends whom he hadn't seen in a long while, as well as being introduced to other acquaintances of Harry's and Draco's that he hadn't known before. As the night wore on, he relaxed and chatted and danced and laughed and had a wonderful time. Really, people should get engaged more often! As the orchestra struck up a new number, he smiled at Tonks as she blew him a kiss from the dance-floor, where she had been lead by Fred Weasley.

Whilst watching the two sway along to the music, Remus was only dimly aware of the squeal that erupted from the doorway as someone stepped into the room. But as more voices joined in the excited chorus he turned slightly to see what the commotion was about. More and more people started to gravitate towards the newcomer and there were enthusiastic cries and greetings extended to the person. Remus squinted a little, rather amused at the reception that this guest was getting. He craned his neck a little and could just see the top of a man's head as he was swept into hug after hug, barely having time to draw breath in between. He was very popular, whoever he was.

A few seconds later he was finally released and Remus gasped, suddenly feeling the colour drain from his face as he saw him. That easy smile…that quirk of the eyebrow…that almost arrogant swagger…. Remus felt a crushing weight press against his chest.

As if the man had somehow felt Remus' eyes on him, he raised his own - those glittering deep brown pools that had lost none of their former beauty. Their eyes found each other - and for a startling second they were the only two people in the room.

Remus' heart skipped a beat.

_Sirius._

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	3. Meet Me

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Chapter 2: Meet Me 

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Remus felt a bolt of lightning shoot through his body to his fingertips and he shook his head dumbly. _This isn't happening_….

As he stared into those piercing brown eyes he felt his throat constrict. Remus' mind whirred chaotically. _What is he doing here? Why…? How…?_ He felt his knees weaken and before he knew what was happening he had turned on the spot and was forcing his way across the room, unseeing, unthinking, knowing only that he wanted to get as far away from here as possible.

He didn't see Harry until he ran straight into him.

"Remus!" The younger man laughed as they bumped right into each other, but his face quickly fell as he took in the deathly expression on Remus' face. "God, you look awful - are you OK?"

Remus inhaled shakily. "Fine…." he said hoarsely.

"You don't look fine to - " But Harry's sentence was cut short as his gaze drifted to the commotion at the doorway. His eyes widened. "Sirius!" he beamed. "About time! For a while there I thought he wasn't going to come…."

Remus stared at him. "You knew he was coming?" he rasped.

Harry winked at him happily. "It was all hush-hush. He told me not to say anything…wanted it to be a surprise."

_I bet he did._

Remus swallowed. So that was why Harry had been acting oddly earlier…he had been waiting to see if _he_ would come. Remus felt his chest tighten and he pushed past Harry roughly. "I need some air…."

"Hey – Remus…?" the younger wizard called after him, a look of concern on his face. But he had already gone.

Seconds later the flustered wizard stepped outside onto the patio at the rear of the building, chest still heaving, and welcomed the cool air as it engulfed him. He collapsed onto a nearby bench and held his head in his hands, trying to make sense of the awful situation. _Why is he here? Why did he have to come back? Damn you, Sirius_…. His trembling fingers found their way to his neck and he tugged at his shirt, loosening the collar. He inhaled deeply and felt the cold air tear at his lungs. The wizard sat like this for a long while, his mind buzzing with thoughts….

After what could have been minutes or hours, a low cough penetrated the silence. Remus' eyes snapped upwards.

And for the second time that night his heart stopped.

There he was. Right there in front of him. Hands casually in his pockets, shoulders thrown back, charcoal grey suit that rippled softly in the breeze…chin-length hair a mass of dark waves, tousled and slightly damp from the recent drizzle…chiselled features and dark, dark brown eyes that he could just drown into….

Remus gazed at the man and felt his insides twist. Sirius hadn't changed…and yet he had. There was still that familiar gleam in his eyes of laughter and life and mischief, but it was somehow - _different_. There was less confidence in his gaze, and a slight air of uncertainty about him. He seemed different to the man whom he had seen just moments earlier holding the crowd's attention as if this was _his_ party. Remus noticed a few other minor changes in his appearance, like the slight shadows under his eyes and the way in which his cheeks had hollowed out a little. Truth be told, he had committed his last image of Sirius to memory a lot more accurately than he would like to own up to….

Remus suddenly realised that he had been staring for far too long and dropped his gaze quickly, his cheeks flushing. He raised himself until he was standing. For a few moments the silence hung over them, neither wizard wanting to speak first.

Eventually it was Sirius who cleared his throat. "I asked Harry where you were." His voice only betrayed a little of his nervousness. "He said you came out here to get some air…."

"Did he." Remus stood perfectly still. _Thanks, Harry._

Sirius' eyes raked involuntarily over Remus' body, and the wizard felt the gaze as if it was a caress. Suddenly Remus felt very uncomfortable.

"I remember that shirt…." Sirius whispered. His eyes narrowed a little wickedly.

Remus blushed slightly and he instinctively moved his hand up towards the collar, bringing the edges of the shirt a little closer together. What an idiot. He should have known better than to wear it. _But you didn't know _he_ would be here, did you?_ an annoying voice taunted.

A sudden wind whipped at Sirius' open collar and it flapped to reveal a little of the man's tanned chest, and Remus felt himself freeze as he stared at the exposed flesh. He knew that just a whisker below lay Sirius' birthmark, a Sickle-sized patch of skin a few shades darker than the rest of his golden complexion. Remus flushed as he remembered the last time that he had seen that mark, and was suddenly glad that the evening was already dark. He drew his eyes away and focussed on the ground instead.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets. He cleared his throat once more and his voice dropped a little.

"So - "

Suddenly he stopped abruptly as his gaze fell to Remus' left hand. His face paled as his eyes fixed on the silver wedding ring and for an awful moment he thought he was going to collapse. A torrent of emotions flooded through his brain, wildly, and for a few seconds they both just stared at the silver band. Remus shifted a little and placed his hands in his pockets as a feeling of uneasiness crept up on him. Sirius swallowed several times, suddenly feeling his throat go dry. He didn't know why he had somehow expected Remus to be single after all this time, but it was a shock to realise that he was married. _Married_. He dropped his gaze to the ground before speaking softly. "So, who's the lucky - ?"

"Tonks," Remus interrupted quickly, knowing that Sirius had _not_ been about to end the sentence with 'woman'.

Sirius snapped his head upwards. He raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "_Nymphadora_ Tonks?"

Remus set his jaw determinedly. "Yes."

"Good grief, Remus…." he retorted, shaking his head.

Remus stared at him defiantly, a look that said '_I'm married now and you can bloody well deal with it_.'

Sirius turned away, a little bitterly. "I always said she had a thing for you…."

"What are doing here?" Remus suddenly barked, and Sirius froze, momentarily taken aback. Remus' skin was prickling uncomfortably and he felt extremely uneasy under the other man's gaze. He just wanted to get out of here, get away….

Sirius arched an eyebrow. "Forgive me if I expected a bit more of a welcome," he replied gruffly.

That touched a nerve, and Remus felt a flare of anger rise in his chest. "Don't give me that! How can you just turn up like this? Out of the blue? _Five years_, Sirius!"

Remus realised that this was the first time that he had said Sirius' name out loud in nearly half a decade, and it made him ache with a comforting familiarity…but all too soon it awakened memories that he had long kept at the back of his mind. All the pent-up frustration and anger and hurt came rushing to the surface and Remus had to fight with himself to suppress it all. He clenched his fists by his sides and turned around to hide the turmoil that he was sure was evident on his features.

"Why did you come back?" he whispered. "Why now?"

Sirius' expression softened and he opened his mouth to reply - but was cut short by a loud exclamation from a few feet away.

"There you are!" boomed a loud voice. "I knew you were hiding around here somewhere!" Kingsley's exclamation preceded him through the doorway and within seconds he bore down on Sirius and engulfed him. Sirius returned the hug - genuinely happy to see his friend - but he inwardly cursed his timing. The Auror, however, was far too elated to notice and slung his arm around Sirius' shoulder and squeezed him. "Can you believe this, eh?" Kingsley beamed at Remus and nodded to the man beside him. "Turning up like this out of the blue. When's the last time we saw him?"

Remus darted a glance at Sirius. "_Five years_," he said shortly.

Kingsley shook his head and let out a low whistle. "Has it really been that long? I bet you two have been having a good catch up, eh?" He smiled warmly at the two men, and didn't notice the way in which they avoided each other's gaze.

"So has he been telling you about his travels?" the Auror questioned Remus. "I bet he's broken a few hearts in between." He gave Sirius a sly look. Sirius felt his stomach twist and his mouth went dry. He looked at the ground and felt Remus' eyes on him. He could have punched Kingsley for his tactlessness. But of course, how was Kingsley to know? After all, _no one_ had known…. Sirius swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

Feeling almost sick, Remus mumbled something about leaving the two alone to catch up, and without a backward glance he left the patio.

Before Sirius even had a chance to look up, he was gone.

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Much later that night, Remus stared at the ceiling above his bed. He could have been awake for minutes or hours, he really didn't know. He just kept replaying the evening over and over again. He didn't know how he had expected to feel when he saw Sirius again after all those years, but he hadn't expected _this_…. He felt like he had experienced every emotion known to man in the space of a single moment…the moment when their eyes had met. Surprise, shock, disbelief, anger, hurt, sadness, longing…. He gulped and brought his hand to his eyes as he felt a fresh wave of tears threaten to escape.

Remus vaguely recalled the events of the evening after he had left Sirius and Kingsley. He had pushed his way through the crowd and found an already half-drunk Tonks teetering beside the buffet table. He had told her that he had a terrible headache and that he would be heading back, but she only half-listened and planted a huge kiss on his cheek before wandering off. He had then found Harry and Draco and excused himself, saying that he needed to head back and could they see that Tonks got home alright. Remus sighed as he remembered Harry and Draco's concerned looks. He had hated lying to his friends. But he really couldn't have stayed a moment longer.

The silence of Remus' thoughts was suddenly penetrated by a distant call from the corridor.

"Remus? Where are you, Remus?"

Remus wiped his moist cheeks and turned over, not feeling up to talking.

A few scuffled footsteps later, Tonks stumbled into the bedroom and fumbled for the light switch. After failing to locate it, she gave up and plopped ungracefully onto the bed. She tumbled onto her husband and gave him a suffocating hug.

"I love youuuuuuuuuuu!" Her declaration was muffled by the duvet but Remus was still able to smell the wine on her breath.

Remus groaned and muttered at his wife.

"You're drunk."

"No!" the witch protested. "No, no, no no nonononnonooooooo." Tonks waggled her head energetically from side to side. "I am absolutely, positiv- posit- posivit-" She giggled and hiccoughed loudly.

Remus closed his eyes and sighed. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He knew that he should really help his wife get changed and put her to bed, but the only person he could think about was….

Moments later Tonks' head fell to the pillow with a soft thump.

He was still awake long after her soft snores filled the room.

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The next few days passed by in a blur to Remus. He awoke each morning, went to work, returned home, ate and slept. He was aware of his colleagues' presence during his working hours and aware of Tonks when he was at home, but somehow he felt as if he was separate from them. Just going through the motions…not really functioning on the same plane.

Tonks noticed her husband being more quiet than usual since the party and, if she was honest with herself, she knew deep down why he was behaving like this. She also knew that she should just talk to him about it…but somehow she couldn't bring herself to. Instead she tried to snap him out of it by talking a bit louder and more animatedly than usual, but each attempt fell on deaf ears. He either didn't notice or didn't seem to care. It was on one such occasion that Tonks dragged Remus along to Diagon Alley, to try and elevate his subdued mood. After an hour and a half of flitting in and out of the various shops, they approached the entrance of Madam Malkin's.

Remus arrived at the door first, and when he saw who was inside his mouth instantly went dry. He turned abruptly, blocking Tonks' view. "Let's go this way - "

"No, I need to pick up my robes," she protested.

Remus' eyes darted wildly and he felt his stomach drop into his boots. "We can get them later, let's go this way first - " He grasped her arm tightly and tried to spin her around to face the opposite direction.

"What's the matter with you? It'll only take a second." She pushed past him and strode through the doorway. "Oh, Sirius! Harry! How are you? " She walked straight up to the pair and exchanged smiles and kisses. "What are you up to?"

The rest of the exchange was muffled to Remus' ears as he stubbornly remained outside, hidden from view.

"Come on, Remus," she called. "What are you doing out there?"

Remus had no choice but to join them. He entered the shop. Harry was standing patiently whilst Madam Malkin busily worked round him with a tape measure. Sirius stood beside him.

"Harry," Remus said, smiling at the younger man. His eyes flicked to the taller wizard beside him. "Sirius," he acknowledged tightly.

Tonks rolled her eyes in his direction. "Oh don't mind him, he's been grumpy all morning." Remus felt a flicker of annoyance but remained silent. She turned to Harry. "I hope you're not expecting it to be all sunshine and smiles after you've been married for a while," she teased. "Be prepared for when Draco turns into a grump like this one," she added, indicating her husband. Remus shifted a little, a tiny flare of anger rising in his chest. _Did she have to embarrass him like this?_

Harry turned to the sullen man and smiled. "Sirius and I thought we'd spend the day together and catch up, after I get fitted for the ceremonial robes. Are you feeling better?"

"Better?" Remus frowned slightly, not sure what Harry was talking about.

"Remember, you had a terrible headache that night. You said that's why you had to leave the party early. Were you coming down with something? You looked as white as a sheet."

All eyes turned to Remus and he felt his cheeks redden under the gaze. He gritted his teeth and forced a smile. "I'm fine. I just needed to sleep it off. Thanks." _Dammit_. Sirius was probably loving this, finding out that Remus had been so affected by his arrival that he had had to leave the party. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him.

Tonks then hit Harry with a stream of questions about the upcoming wedding. Remus immediately felt Sirius' gaze rest on him but the wizard resolutely avoided his eyes.

After a few more minutes, Madam Malkin finished with the tape measure. "That'll do for now, but if you want to step this way I'll show you the material that your fiancé picked out," she beamed. "Draco, isn't it? she inquired. "Charming man." Harry stifled a grin. Madam Malkin had been rather taken with the blonde when they had come into the shop together the previous week. Tonks followed the two to the back of the shop, eager to have a glimpse, leaving Sirius and Remus standing alone.

Remus felt the room suddenly rise in temperature and quickly sidestepped Sirius in an attempt to leave - but was stopped by a strong hand on his arm. "Remus - "

Remus bit his lip. Sirius was standing so close that he could feel his warm breath on his ear and it was starting to make him feel a little dizzy. That familiar musky scent washed over him and it was all he could do to stop himself gasping aloud. The hand on his arm tightened slightly.

"Don't," Remus protested softly in a strangled voice, pulling his arm away.

"Wait, please…."

Remus exhaled shakily. "What? What do you want?" It came out a bit harsher than he had meant and he bit his lip, regretting his coldness.

Sirius immediately dropped his hand and nervously studied the ground. "I just – can I see you?"

Remus looked at him incredulously and his eyes darted to Tonks and Harry, who were standing within earshot. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I can't! I can't – you know I can't…."

"Please - "

Remus resolutely shook his head.

"Tomorrow? Please, Remus…."

Damn those eyes.

"I'm busy tomorrow," he said lamely, knowing full well that he wasn't.

"The day after, then."

_No_. _No no no no_. This was madness. Every fibre in Remus' body was screaming at him to refuse. He knew he couldn't meet him, and he opened his mouth fully intending to say so….

"Alright."

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	4. Confrontation

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**Chapter 3: Confrontation**

**-----------------------------------**

The next morning, Remus and Tonks sat in the sunny kitchen and chatted as they lingered over their toast. They always made breakfast in the Muggle way out of habit, ever since Arthur had given them a Muggle toaster and kettle as wedding gifts. After two months the couple had finally felt brave enough to try and use them, and now it was a daily ritual. Tonks stood to refill the kettle in mid-sentence and as soon as her back was turned, Remus felt himself slip into a daze as his wife's voice faded to become background noise. He gripped his mug of tea and went over the previous day's encounter for what seemed like the hundredth time….

_What the hell was I thinking? Agreeing to see Sirius…. Am I a complete idiot?_

'_Can I see you…please….'_

_I mean, how hard was it to say no?_

'_Please, Remus_….'

He gritted his teeth and tightened his hold on his cup, barely realising that his fingers were whitening with the pressure.

_Those dark chestnut eyes boring into him, surrounding him_…. _His name on those lips_…_Remus_….

_Remus_….

"Remus?"

"Remus?"

He realised with a jolt that the voice was no longer in his mind, but coming from the other side of the kitchen. "What?" He quickly darted his attention back to Tonks.

She gazed at him for a moment with an unreadable expression on her face. "You weren't listening, were you?"

Remus racked his brain. _What had she been talking about just now? Work?_ He scratched his head nervously. "Sorry, I - "

Tonks turned away and chewed on her lip. She knew that she had to say something now or this would keep hanging over them. It wouldn't just go away. She was silent for a few moments and Remus felt an uneasiness creep over him. _Had she been reading his mind? No, no – she wasn't a Legilimens_….

"I know what's been going on, Remus," she suddenly said softly.

Remus felt his stomach turn over.

He tried to control his breathing. "Wh-What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"I'm not _stupid_, Remus." She put down the kettle and stared at the worktop for a long moment, as if trying to work out how to phrase her next sentence.

Remus felt his body stiffen and he fixed his gaze upon the mug in front of him, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks.

"I saw the way you looked that night."

Remus froze. "What night?" His voice was barely above a hoarse whisper.

"You know what night," Tonks replied softly. She inhaled a deep breath. "Harry and Draco's engagement party."

_Oh God_….

Remus' mouth went dry and he twined his fingers together, ready to deny everything….

Tonks sighed and turned to face her husband, clearly distraught. "I'm so sorry! I ruined everything, didn't I? I didn't mean to behave like that…."

Remus did a double take. _What? _

Tonks started to wring her hands together. "I should never have got so drunk…. I acted like a complete idiot. Coming home and falling on you like that. Waking up still in my clothes. I'm old enough to know better. I'm sorry." Her words all came out in a rush and she gave her husband a deeply apologetic look.

Remus could have sighed aloud at the relief. He felt his heart jolt back into rhythm again and it took him a few moments to find his voice. "Oh, er - "

But once Tonks had started, she couldn't stop. "You've been acting really odd since that night, and I just know that it's because you're ashamed of me. God, I must have really embarrassed you…." She flushed a little.

"No!" Remus spluttered. "I mean, er, no – of course not. I've only been acting a bit off because I " - he searched his mind for a plausible explanation - "because I actually had quite a bit to drink myself," he finished.

Tonks looked taken aback. Then she suddenly smirked. "Really?"

Remus looked at her and swallowed. "Really. My head's been feeling like I've had a few rounds with a hippogriff," he lied. "I still haven't recovered." He gave her a weak smile.

She giggled loudly. "And there I was thinking that you were upset by my unladylike behaviour," she gloated, "but instead, you had a raging hangover!" She seemed to find this quite funny and a loud snort escaped her as she turned to face the kettle once again.

Remus turned back to his tea and buried his head in his hands, hating himself for lying to her.

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Later the next day, Remus checked his reflection and frowned. He rolled his sleeves a little, pushing them half way up his forearms. He then scowled at himself and unrolled them again, unable to decide which looked better. Suddenly realising what he was doing, he rolled his eyes at himself. _For goodness sake, the length of my sleeves isn't going to make any difference_. A distant thought invaded his mind for a fleeting second. _You've got incredible arms, Remus_…. He blinked and shook the thought from his head.

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around his waist from behind and a mop of crimson hair appeared beside him, causing him to jump a little. "Mmmm…you smell nice…." Tonks nuzzled into his neck and planted a soft kiss just below his ear. She grinned at his groomed reflection and raised an eyebrow teasingly. "New top…aftershave…should I be jealous?" She laughed at his mortified expression and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm only kidding! Don't look so frightened!" She giggled to herself and released him, her grinning reflection disappearing from its place in the mirror beside his. "Going anywhere special?" she asked.

Remus cleared his throat and spoke a little too quickly. "No! Just…just popping out," he replied. "To Harry's," he added as an afterthought.

"Say hi," she said before sweeping through the doorway.

"Yeah," he mumbled. He looked at his expression with disgust. Once he started lying it was so easy to continue. Without a backward glance he grabbed a handful of Floo powder, threw it into the fireplace and stepped inside….

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Sirius glanced at the clock and felt his heart slowly sink. Remus wasn't coming. _Of course he isn't, you fool - what did you expect?_ his mind taunted him bitterly. _Why would he want to see you? He's probably with his wife_…. Sirius angrily thumped his fist down hard on the mantelpiece and strode to the other end of the room, throwing himself into a chair. He'd been such an idiot, staying away all those years, believing that when he came back everything would just click back into place. What a fool…. He rested his elbows on his knees and raked his fingers through his hair. He'd been prepared for everything – the questions, the anger, the bitterness…everything.

Everything except that damned wedding ring.

Married. He felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach.

A sudden whirring noise caused him to stiffen and he straightened his body, jumping from the chair. The fireplace flickered once, twice, and seconds later Remus appeared. He glanced nervously around him as he brushed himself off and stepped tentatively into the room –

Face to face with Sirius.

Remus noticed how his hair hung in messy, tousled waves as if he had been dragging his hands through it, or as if he had just got out of bed - Remus reddened and quickly extinguished _that_ thought. Sirius was dressed in black trousers and an open-necked white shirt that skimmed lightly over his chest before clinging to him in ways that Remus really _shouldn't_ be noticing.

Remus wiped his palms down his sides and stood there awkwardly. What was he supposed to do? Shake his hand? Smile? His tongue felt as though it was stuck to the roof of his mouth.

Sirius' eyes softened as the man stepped into the room and that steady drawl escaped his lips. "I thought you wouldn't come."

_That makes two of us._

He stopped and looked at Remus and his voice lowered to almost a whisper. "It's good to see you, you know…."

Remus stared at him and felt the colour drain from his cheeks. _What was he supposed to say?_ _Why did you leave? Where the hell have you been? Nice weather?_

Sirius, too, suddenly looked at a loss for words. He had gone over and over it a thousand times or more in his mind, but now - standing face to face with Remus - he just couldn't find the words. _I was an idiot_ was probably a good place to start. _I was a fool_…_I can't live without you_….

Remus cleared his throat. "So…when did you get back here?" He flicked his gaze towards the other man. "To England, I mean."

"The night I saw you."

"Oh."

"I hadn't meant to arrive so late, though…." Sirius continued softly. "I didn't mean to burst in and startle you like that."

_Well isn't that nice of you_, Remus thought bitterly. "And there I was thinking that you wanted to make a grand entrance," he challenged.

Sirius laughed hollowly. "No, I just took ages getting ready before I arrived." _Because I knew you'd be there_….

His eyes flicked reflexively to Remus' bare forearms and travelled over the contours of his muscles, and they both suddenly felt the temperature in the room increase. Sirius moved a little closer and the air prickled between them. He tried to say something but as he looked across at the other man his breath caught in his chest. A sudden waft of air caused Remus' aftershave to drift over him and it threw him completely.

Remus became increasingly uncomfortable with the proximity. He shifted his weight a little. "How long are you staying?"

Heavy brown eyes regarded him for a moment. "That depends."

"On what?" Remus asked, his heart in his mouth.

Sirius looked into his eyes and paused before answering. "On you."

"What?" Remus gasped. _What was Sirius playing at?_ "You – you can't just come back here and expect us to pick up where we left off!" he spluttered. "I've got a new life, I can't just drop - "

He stopped suddenly, noticing Sirius' slightly embarrassed look.

The taller man coughed slightly. "I think you misunderstood me. I only meant that I'd like to stay a bit longer. You know, for Harry's wedding and everything. But only if it won't bother you. My being around, that is."

Remus felt his stomach plop into his boots and he mentally kicked himself. _Oh God_…. He felt like such a fool. Sirius had probably enjoyed that, seeing Remus squirm. He stared at the floor and felt himself blush furiously, hating himself for letting Sirius see his embarrassment. But if Remus had looked upwards, he would have seen that Sirius wasn't smirking at all. He would have seen the pain in his eyes, and the look that disappeared a split second before Remus raised his head to gaze at him.

"So that's all you wanted to ask me?" Remus asked tightly.

_No._

Sirius turned away and nodded his head, feeling like a coward.

A flicker of hurt crossed Remus' face and he felt his eyes prickle a little. He swallowed and muttered to the ground in a low voice. "You can do what you like…it doesn't bother me either way." And with that he turned to leave.

But as he placed his hand on the fireplace he suddenly felt an indignant flame rise in his chest. He couldn't explain where it had come from, but suddenly he didn't want to go. He had a right to some answers. Who the hell was Sirius to make him feel like a fool? Who the hell was he to order Remus to come here and then tell him absolutely nothing? What was Remus? A puppet? He turned back to the other man, stony-faced, and looked him determinedly in the eye. After a few moments Sirius began to feel uncomfortable under the icy gaze. Just when Sirius began to flounder, Remus spoke, his voice betraying the anger he felt.

"Do you have any idea what it was like? To have you just leave like that?"

Sirius remained silent and his lower lip started to tremble very slightly.

Remus's voice rose. "Did you even care?" He laughed bitterly and turned away. "What am I saying? Of course you didn't. Why else would you not bother to even _contact_ me?"

"Well it obviously took you a long time to get over it," Sirius retorted coldly, looking pointedly at Remus' wedding ring.

Remus whirled around to face him, his eyes flashing as his anger rose. "Five years, Sirius! FIVE! Did you expect me to just sit around waiting?"

"You knew where I was!"

"Oh come off it, you just upped and left. Just like that! You packed your bags and went off to Hungary, telling me you needed some time - "

"Yeah, and you didn't come after me!" The words left Sirius' mouth before he realised what he was saying. His face fell and he turned away, obviously regretting his outburst. He thumped the wall in anger and flopped down onto the chair desolately, his head in his hands, his chest heaving. "You didn't come after me," he repeated hollowly, his hands partially muffling the words.

Remus froze. _What?_ He sank onto the chair behind him, trying to comprehend the words. His mind whirred at the sudden outburst and he could feel his heart thump against his ribcage. "All that time…you wanted me to - ?" he whispered. "I thought you didn't want me near you. Why else – why else would you _leave?_"

"When you didn't come to find me, I thought you didn't want me after all," Sirius mumbled defensively, resting his elbows on his knees.

"WHAT? When you LEFT, I thought YOU didn't want ME!" Remus covered his eyes and a strangled voice escaped his trembling lips. "God, Sirius, don't do this to me. Don't tell me this now." He shook his head hopelessly. "Please…."

"Alright, alright," Sirius whispered. "So I acted like an idiot…." He raised his head a little and gave Remus a sad smile. "I never did have much sense when it came to you…." His gaze dropped to the floor once more and he sighed heavily. Remus looked at the man and his heart nearly ripped in two. Sirius had never looked more broken than he did right now. He felt an overwhelming urge to put his arms around him and hold him. His eyes softened and he raised himself from his chair. Three strides was all it took before he was hovering over the desolate man.

"Sirius - "

Remus reached out a tentative hand and placed it on his shoulder lightly, unsure if he was doing the right thing. Sirius inhaled deeply and covered the hand with his own, but still didn't face him. In that instant Remus almost felt his knees buckle. The man's very touch was electrifying - just the feel of his skin made him shiver. He had to bite his lip just to steady his breathing as Sirius' hand moved over his gently, caressing him, lacing their fingers together ever so slightly before letting his hand fall away again.

The precious contact gone, Remus snatched his arm away, feeling as though they had just done something incredibly intimate. His fingers still tingling, he raised his hand to his own cheek. He had touched Tonks a hundred times before, but _never_ had she made him feel like _this_….

He cleared his throat and stared at the ground, knowing for certain that if he so much as looked at Sirius, he wouldn't be able to form the words. He took a deep breath. "Things are different now…." Remus closed his eyes and continued, his whole body trembling. "I – I'm married."

Sirius nodded, his head still in his hands.

"I - "

"Don't," Sirius suddenly said hoarsely, standing up slowly and wiping his face on his sleeve. He turned to face Remus and smiled sadly. "Don't." His eyes were red and his tear-stained cheeks suddenly seemed more hollow. Remus couldn't take his eyes off him, his heart filling with a throbbing, aching sensation that he couldn't even begin to describe. He opened his mouth to speak, not even sure what words were going to come out, but Sirius silenced him with a gesture.

"I know what you're going to say…" Sirius whispered, looking into his eyes tenderly, "…and I don't think I can bear to hear it."

Remus actually felt his heart break at the words. Sirius ran a shaky hand through his straggly hair and held Remus' gaze for a long moment, as if trying to remember his face, every line, every scar, the way the light reflected in those deep brown eyes…. Unable to bear it anymore, Sirius turned abruptly and walked towards the door. There was nothing easy or confident about his walk, nothing of the swagger that Remus knew by heart.

"Wait!" Remus suddenly shouted, as startled as Sirius when the command left his mouth.

Sirius froze, not daring to turn around.

Remus faltered. He found he didn't know what to say. All he knew was that he couldn't let him leave. Not like this. He wanted so desperately to touch him…hold him…stroke his hair, pull him close -

But he just stood there awkwardly. He knew what he wanted to do…he just had no idea what to _say_….

Sirius' lip trembled slightly and he whispered at the floor. "I really blew it, didn't I?"

And without a backward glance he walked towards the door, opened it, and left.

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	5. Dinner

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**Chapter 4: Dinner**

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The door shut and he was gone.

Gone.

Remus stood alone in the centre of the room, his mind whirring frantically with the enormity of what he had just been told, half wondering if the conversation had actually happened.

_Did he say that? Did he?_

Remus rubbed his eyes with a heavy hand and started to pace nervously. His first instinct was to run after Sirius…and before he even registered what was happening he felt himself race through the door, down the corridor, and out into the heavy downpour. The rain pelted ferociously but he didn't even notice. He didn't care.

His feet slid on the slippery street as he ran frantically this way and that, searching for a glimpse of the dark-haired man as he shielded his eyes from the stinging raindrops… But as he squinted, his gaze roaming the busy street, he finally realised that Sirius was no longer there and came to a desolate halt. Remus reflexively wrapped his arms around his chest but the cold feeling in the pit of his stomach wouldn't go away. He barely registered the crowds around him as Sirius' words shot through his mind over and over again…

_You didn't come after me_….

_I thought you didn't want me_….

Remus felt a fresh wave of tears overcome him and he had to stop. He leant heavily against a lamp post, feeling utterly broken. The falling rain mixed with his tears and he raised a clumsy hand to wipe at his face, choking back his sobs. _Damn that man_…_damn him_…_what did Sirius think he was? A mind reader?_

His brain swam with so many thoughts that it was all he could do just to put one foot in front of the other and start his journey home.

_I'm glad it's raining_, he thought bitterly, shivering at the cold.

The icy wind whipped through his hair and the rain continued to fall, but it was nothing compared to the storm that was raging in his heart.

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"Good grief, look at the state of you!" Tonks exclaimed half an hour later as she stepped out of the fireplace and into the bedroom. Remus was still dripping wet and his clothes clung to his body while he just sat in a sullen heap on the edge of their bed.

She wrinkled her nose at him. "Why didn't you come by Floo? I can't _believe_ Harry let you walk back in this terrible weather!"

Remus distantly remembered telling her that he was going to Harry's.

But his wife didn't stop to take a breath. "Couldn't you at least have put a drying charm on you?" Her eyes flicked to his shoes. "Or wiped your feet before you came in? You've dragged mud all over the carpet!" She clicked her tongue in annoyance and waved her wand at his muddy footsteps. "You're lucky I'm in a good mood or I'd have made you clean those by hand…." she muttered.

Despite his protestations she started to peel his wet shirt off, when suddenly her face brightened. "Oh, guess who I just bumped into?" She waited for him to guess, but receiving no reply, she continued. "Draco. He invited us round for dinner tonight with he and Harry. Oh, and he said he'll also ask along Sirius and - "

"NO!" Remus interrupted hoarsely, suddenly finding his voice.

Tonks stopped and gave him an odd look.

The wizard coughed and shifted a little, and she raised an eyebrow.

Remus cleared his throat. "I'm not hungry," he said weakly.

"Well we're not going this _second_." Tonks rolled her eyes. "He said in the eve - "

"I don't want to," the stubborn man interrupted.

"Why?"

Remus gritted his teeth. "I just _don't_, alright?"

Tonks furrowed her brow and gave her husband a long look, with her hands on her hips. "What's got into you? Why are you being so weird - " She stopped and looked at him a little closely. "Has something happened?"

"No," he rasped guiltily, lowering his head._ Why couldn't she just leave him alone?_

She gave him a sceptical look.

"It's nothing! I just – I just don't feel like going out, that's all!"

"It's not going _out_, it's only going to _Harry and Draco's_."

"I don't want to!"

"Don't shout at me!"

"I'M NOT SHOUTING!"

Tonks' hair emitted a few sparks and she glared at her husband. "Oh for goodness sake, stop being silly - I've already said we'll go!"

"Well you'll just have to unsay it!" Remus snapped. He winced at his rudeness and raised himself off the bed slowly, attempting to control his breathing. After a few seconds he turned to face his wife and tried to adopt a calmer voice. "Look, can't we just have dinner _here_, the two of us…?"

Tonks folded her arms and glared at him silently for a long moment before speaking.

"It's _Sirius_, isn't it?"

This caught Remus by surprise and he paled instantly. His breath caught in his chest and he stared at her dumbly. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. _She knows_….

"I _knew_ it. He's been here for a week and you've barely said two words to each other…." Tonks narrowed her eyes. "You've fallen out, haven't you?"

Remus swallowed. _Fallen out?_

Tonks' eyes softened, mistaking his silence for affirmation, and she reached out to pat his arm. "Look, whatever it is, I'm sure you two can patch things up," she coaxed comfortingly. "Don't get so _worked up_…."

Remus blinked at her.

"I know you two used to be close - " she continued.

Remus nearly choked. _You don't know the half of it_….

" - but don't be upset that he hasn't spent much time with you since coming back. I'm sure he hasn't forgotten about you, he probably just wanted to give Harry a bit of attention first. You know how much Harry's missed him…." She smiled at him kindly, obviously thinking that she was saying the right thing. "He's still your friend. Don't be so _stubborn_."

Remus smiled weakly at her while his stomach twisted inside him.

And Tonks kissed him on the cheek, feeling satisfied that everything would be alright.

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Sirius Apparated to within a few feet of Harry and Draco's door and walked the remaining steps. Harry had asked him over, and it was only after he had said he was able to come that he had found out that Remus would be there. He couldn't believe it. But what was he supposed to do? Upset Harry by refusing to come? Sulk? Sirius took a deep breath. Perhaps it was time to move on…. His mind preoccupied with the thought, he started suddenly as his eyes rested on a familiar head of brown curly hair….

He looked a little closer.

_Was that…?_

Sirius' eyes immediately widened and he flew to the young woman instantly, sweeping her into a hug. The bewildered witch twisted in his arms to see her captor – and promptly screamed with delight.

"_SIRIUS!_"

She flung her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly.

"Hermione!" he greeted her happily, wrapping his arms around her waist. "And where's that husband of yours?" he teased, picking her up and twirling her around despite the fact that she was a good six months pregnant.

He put her back down gently and she laughingly steadied herself. Hermione rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. "Where he always is…apparently six hoops and a tiny gold ball are more important than his wife," she pretended to grumble. Ron was a Chaser for the Appleby Arrows and spent a great deal of the Quidditch season away from home.

Hermione's brown eyes twinkled and she engulfed the taller man once more into a hug. "How are you, Sirius?" she whispered.

"I'm great," he replied automatically, kissing her affectionately on the top of her head. "And how's my favourite witch?"

"Couldn't be better."

Hermione made to draw back from the hug but Sirius held onto her a bit longer, suddenly needing the comfort of his old friend.

"Sirius!" she giggled, thinking that he was joking around when he didn't let go of her…but then she felt him shiver and heard a tiny sob escape his throat. Her eyes softened in concern.

"Hey…." she whispered, stroking his back in alarm and pulling him closer.

Sirius flopped against her smaller frame and she held onto him tighter as he shuddered a little against her. As she held him, all the frustration and grief that he had hidden deep within himself came flooding to the surface. He thought of Remus and how he had walked away from him earlier, and just the image of him in his mind uncovered all the raw emotion that had been bubbling inside him. He quietly sobbed into Hermione's shoulder and the young witch let him take all the time he needed.

"Hey…shh…shhh…."

She held him for a long moment.

"Sirius - what's wrong?" she eventually questioned, her eyebrows knitted together in concern.

He drew back a little and smiled embarrassedly. "Nothing," he said, wiping his face with his sleeve.

Hermione knew Sirius well enough to know that he would only talk about things when he was ready, so she didn't press him further. She merely gave him an understanding look that conveyed that she would always be there whenever he needed her.

"God I'm so glad to see you," he said truthfully. Somehow, seeing Hermione again reminded him of how alone he had been and just how much he had missed out on by leaving all those years ago. He rubbed his nose one last time and straightened himself, his gaze suddenly lowering to her belly. "And look at you! I can't believe it!" He smiled affectionately at her. "You'll be a great mum, Hermione. And Ron'll be a great dad."

She smiled at him and her eyes misted a little.

"I'm so glad you're back, Sirius."

They exchanged an affectionate glance and he slung his arm around the witch as they stepped up towards the doorway.

-----------------------------

-----------------------------

Less than ten minutes later, Tonks had to practically drag Remus through the same door.

She turned to him as she reached for the doorbell. "For goodness sake stop frowning."

This only made Remus frown even more and he muttered darkly under his breath as she rang the buzzer.

"Tonks!" Harry greeted her a few seconds later. "How are you? Come on through." He turned to the wizard beside her. "Remus!" He grinned. "Have you been keeping well? What have you been up to since I last saw you?"

"What, a whole three hours ago, you mean?" chuckled the crimson-haired witch as she slid her jacket off her shoulders and hung it up by the side of the door.

Harry gave her a slightly bewildered look but Remus cleared his throat loudly and quickly changed the subject.

"So, er - where's Draco?"

"Ah, he's in the kitchen." Harry winked. "I'm trying to turn him into a housewife."

"That's exactly what I've been trying to do with Remus," Tonks quipped and they all laughed.

"Hey, Sirius!" she suddenly exclaimed, spying some movement in the room beyond. A few seconds later the man walked up rather shyly. He stood alongside Harry and the younger wizard clapped him on the back.

"And here's the man of the moment!" Harry laughed. "At least he's on time for a change…."

Sirius rolled his eyes at him playfully and smiled. Tonks leaned over to kiss him on the cheek and he bent down to hug the witch. Sirius then turned, a little unsurely, to the sullen man standing stiffly beside her and held his hand out, his expression changing slightly. "Remus," he said softly.

All eyes turned to Remus and he contorted his face into a smile and extended his own hand to shake Sirius'. The moment his fingers touched Sirius' bare skin his mind immediately whisked him back to earlier that day, when he had been caressed by this same hand. Sirius must have felt it too, for they both let go abruptly. Remus dropped his hand from the electrifying touch and swallowed. "Sirius," he acknowledged shortly, feeling his cheeks slowly grow warm.

Harry's eyes flickered a little as he watched this exchange. He quickly jerked his head in the direction of the lounge. "Shall we go through? Draco's been in the kitchen for ages…I dread to think what on earth he's doing in there." He stepped aside to let Remus and Tonks through first, and gave Sirius a slight frown before following them through to the other room.

Hermione raised herself from her position on the couch and beamed at the group as soon as they entered the lounge. Tonks and Remus said their hellos and inquired about Ron and the baby.

"Oh they're both fine." She smiled a little tiredly. "I'm so sorry I couldn't see you all at the party…I've been as sick as a dog with this little one." She grinned sheepishly and patted her belly. "I hope it won't be as much trouble when it comes out."

Tonks gave her an affectionate squeeze. "You are looking a bit tired, Herm. Are you alright?"

Hermione winked. "Of course I am, I'm just being grumpy. Molly's been taking good care of me," she chuckled.

Draco's voice carried from beyond the kitchen doorway. "Hi everyone! By the way, I apologise in advance for the food – I made it myself."

Sirius let out a low whistle and gave Harry a sly wink. "You must have really rubbed off on him – I never thought I'd ever see a Slytherin _cook_."

"Oi - watch your mouth, Black," Draco teased him, sticking his head round the door and narrowing his eyes, "or my hand might just _slip_ with the salt in your portion…."

Sirius laughed heartily – that infectious, barking laugh – and threw back his head, his hair dancing about his shoulders as he chuckled.

Remus watched the way in which his eyes creased at the sides and the way in which his lips…but quickly snapped his attention away and glared at the floor.

A short while later Draco and Harry carried out the dishes that Draco had prepared and placed them on the dining table that occupied the far corner of the room. Everyone _ooh-ed_ and _ahh-ed_ at the delicious-looking food - quite a triumph for a wizard who had never so much as boiled an egg before.

"Wow, Draco," Hermione breathed appreciatively. "This looks _brilliant!_"

Everyone heartily agreed and the blonde blushed, obviously touched but trying not to show it.

"Ah, you're a big softie," Tonks said, grinning at him fondly.

"You'd better believe it," Draco smirked, blushing even more. "But it doesn't leave this room, got it?"

Everyone laughed and the wizard waved to them all to sit down before taking his place. He beamed. "Tuck in!"

There was a clattering of knives and forks as everyone helped themselves to the spread, and glasses clinked as drinks were poured.

"You did _not_ make this by yourself," Hermione protested to Draco, stuffing her fourth forkful of lasagne into her mouth and closing her eyes as it melted on her tongue. "Mmm…."

As the evening wore on the chatter got louder and Remus found it increasingly difficult to concentrate. Every time someone spoke, the words just faded into background noise and he felt his attention wander as he gazed at the man sitting diagonally from him. He watched those fingers casually flick a strand of hair from his eyes and travel up the stem of a glass idly, and imagined those same hands touching him….

He felt the heat in his cheeks increase and snapped his eyes away. But even as he stared at his food, he found himself slip into a flashback of their earlier meeting, of Sirius' hand on his…their fingers lacing together….

Had he been more alert he would have noticed Sirius' gaze linger on him when he wasn't looking….

All throughout the evening, Sirius was the perfect guest. The man was charming, witty, and at a never-ending loss of stories to tell. He held the table's attention with tales of the travels that he had embarked on since they had last seen him. He conversed and cracked jokes all evening…and the more he talked the more Remus' anger grew. _How can he just sit there and talk and laugh as if everything's fine? How can he? When all I have to do is look at him and my stomach twists into knots?_

Hermione was eager to catch up on Sirius' news and bombarded him with question after question, while Remus just glared at his plate in stony silence, stabbing his fork angrily at his plate of food and barely speaking a word unless he was asked a direct question.

It didn't escape Tonks' notice.

"Stop being such a grump," she eventually hissed out of the side of her mouth when the other four were occupied in conversation. But Remus only clenched his teeth and prodded more severely at his food.

It wasn't until much later that Hermione yawned and blinked tiredly. "Oh dear," she sighed, yawning again widely. "I think should get going."

Draco grinned at her cheekily. "Honestly, no staying power…."

She laughed and patted his arm. "It must be your company, Draco. It always puts me to sleep." She kissed him on the cheek and raised herself from her seat as the blonde playfully swatted her with his napkin.

"Thanks for a wonderful dinner," she smiled at him, and then said her goodbyes to the rest of the table.

She turned to Harry. "Do you have any Floo powder?" she asked innocently.

"WHAT?" the dark-haired man demanded. "Are you mad? "You can't Floo home in _your_ condition!" He stared at her incredulously – then abruptly stopped as he noticed Draco and Hermione snicker at him. His rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'll get my keys…." The two of them always pulled his leg. And he _never_ saw it coming. "I'll deal with _you_ later," he snapped at Draco as he rose from the table, a twinkle in his eye giving him away.

Draco smirked and winked at his fiancé. "I look forward to it."

The blonde sipped the last of his drink and then stood to address the table.

"While Harry takes Granger home" – Hermione punched him on the arm for this – "I'll nip out and get us some ice-cream."

"Oooh, yum!" Tonks smacked her lips, straightening herself. "Are you going to let me choose this time - "

Draco darted a quick glance at her before rushing out of the doorway, knowing what always happened in this situation.

"Oh no you don't," shouted Tonks, springing up from her seat and shooting out after him. "I'm coming with you – you always get _boring_ flavours…."

Harry rolled his eyes at them and smiled at Sirius and Remus, the only two of the group remaining. "Won't be long – I'll just drop Hermione off."

The young witch exchanged kisses with the two wizards, gave Sirius an extra long hug, and then walked out of the room with Harry.

Sirius stood nervously, uncomfortable with the fact that he and Remus would be alone together. _Great_. He cleared his throat and raised himself from the table abruptly. "I'll take care of these," he said hoarsely. He took out his wand and with a quick wave all the cutlery, plates and glasses rose. He immediately whipped around and practically marched to the kitchen, the crockery jerking in the air in front of him as he rushed to get away.

Remus remained, seated stiffly at the table. He barely heard Harry and Hermione leave as he stared stonily at Sirius' back, the slamming of the front door being drowned out by the pounding in his head as he watched Sirius walk away from him….


	6. And Dessert

This chapter is a higher rating than the previous ones, so please don't read this if you're under 17. Thank you!

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**Chapter 5: And Dessert**

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Remus stared at Sirius' retreating figure and twisted his napkin tightly in his hands, his knuckles whitening as his anger rose.

_How dare he walk away from me_….

He could feel the blood pulse through his veins and before he knew what he was doing he suddenly stood abruptly, throwing his napkin down on his plate. With only a few steps he strode to the kitchen and forcefully entered the room, startling the other man.

He kicked the door shut behind him and Sirius winced. Remus squared his shoulders, shoving his hands in his pockets, and for a few seconds he just glowered at Sirius' back whilst the wizard tremblingly deposited the crockery into the sink, feeling Remus' gaze bore right through him.

He shifted a little.

"Lots of stories to tell, haven't you?" Remus said tightly, his eyes darkening. "You certainly seem to have _enjoyed_ yourself while you were away."

Sirius fidgeted nervously and a cup fell from his hand.

Remus carried on in that same even tone. "Sounds like you'll have plenty of adventures to return to when you leave. _Again._"

Sirius stiffened slightly and his low voice carried over his shoulder. "You said yourself…things are different now."

"So that's it?"

Sirius' voice was hopeless and he turned slowly to face the other wizard. "What do you _want_ me to do?"

Remus suddenly felt himself start to tremble as he looked into the other man's eyes and saw the pain that resided behind that controlled exterior. He instantly felt his anger slip away and he bit his lip, running a shaky hand through his hair. His words were barely above a whisper when he spoke. "When did things go so wrong with us all those years ago? Why couldn't you have _stayed_…?" Tears welled in his eyes but he blinked them back fiercely, his voice thickening. "Why couldn't you have talked to me? If – if I did something to upset you, to make you leave, why didn't you just say? We could have worked it out…." A tear trembled under its own weight and ran down his cheek.

"Tell me!" Remus was shouting now, each and every word scraping his throat. "I _did_ something, didn't I…?"

There was a long moment of silence.

"It wasn't you," Sirius finally said hollowly, avoiding the other man's gaze. "It was me…."

"Oh don't give me that!" Remus snapped in frustration, his eyes flashing.

"It's true…."

"What, then? What was it…?" A small part of him was afraid of the answer but he still needed to know. He gazed at the other man questioningly, desperately, but Sirius only shook his head. Unable to speak, Sirius strode towards the door, wanting to leave before he said something that he would regret.

Remus instantly felt his anger rise within him again and his breathing quickened as he lunged towards the door and slammed it before Sirius had a chance to escape. In one swift movement, he drew out his wand and cast a quick silencing spell on the room so that no one else would hear the exchange. He turned to face Sirius and suddenly felt his insides twist as a flame of jealousy ignited in his stomach.

"Was – was it someone else?" His mouth went dry as Sirius remained silent. "It was, wasn't it?" he said hoarsely.

Sirius only continued to shake his head, and put a foot forward to walk away.

This infuriated Remus and he reached out an arm to grab him. "For God's sake, just tell me! You owe me that - "

Sirius whipped his arm away and whirled around furiously, his own eyes thick with tears.

"Do you really want to know?" His eyes flashed. "Do you?"

Remus shrank back slightly, startled by the look on Sirius' face.

"I left because I was in _love_ with you, damn it!"

Remus instantly froze and he felt as if he had been slapped.

Sirius' expression changed as the tears choked in his throat and he turned away, not wanting to look at the other man. "I was in love with you and it scared me to death."

Remus' mouth dropped open and he stared in shock, his mind whirring frantically at the words…. All the time that they had been together, neither one of them had ever even mentioned it. _Love_…. After a long moment he swallowed the lump in his throat and whispered hoarsely. "What did you say?"

A long moment passed by, punctuated only by rapid, shallow breathing from both men.

Sirius turned away, his voice thickening. "I was…I am…in love with you."

His chest rose and fell heavily and he resolutely avoided his gaze, not daring to look at Remus. He wiped his hand over his eyes clumsily, not wanting him to see the tears that were threatening to fall.

Remus' throat went dry. He tried to speak but somehow the words just wouldn't come out. A thousand emotions rushed to the surface but all he could think and feel was Sirius. _Sirius_….

The taller wizard fumbled with his hands as he struggled to speak.

"I – I've never in my life felt the way I did when I was with you…and I was scared. I was so damn scared to feel like that…." He rubbed his eyes wearily. "So I did the only thing I knew how to…." He inhaled shakily and a look of utter shame crossed his features. "I ran."

Remus listened to all this with his heart in his mouth. He shook his head dumbly, words failing him. His lower lip trembled as he faced the other man. "What the hell are trying to do to me? How can you - how can you…." He pressed his palm against his mouth, feeling as though he might be sick. He turned away and leant heavily against the wall, his mind reeling with this sudden confession. Sirius had been in love with him…. In _love_ with him…. He had always thought that this flippant, non-committal man had had no use for such an emotion. He had always been such a smooth, aloof character with no time for something so tedious….

Sirus exhaled heavily. "I – I found that I couldn't live without you…but now I come back to find that your life has no place for me anymore…." He gave Remus a sad smile. "So what else is there for me to do but deal with it? I haven't moved on…but you have. So now it's time for me to…."

Remus shook his head wordlessly. He found himself moving closer to Sirius, looking at him as if he were truly seeing him for the first time. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks but suddenly he didn't care. He stepped slowly towards the wizard, never breaking his gaze.

"No, I haven't…."

Remus moved closer still towards the shaking man, unable to tear his eyes away, each step pulling him deeper and deeper within the magnetic field that had Sirius as its core….

"_I haven't_…."

Sirius held his breath, hardly daring to look at the man before him. _Is Remus really saying these words…? Is he…?_

Remus slowly covered the last remaining distance between them until they were mere inches apart and raised a trembling hand. His fingers stroked the other man's cheek tentatively and he felt his knees weaken, unable to break free from the drowning gaze that locked their eyes together. He could remember every contour of the man's face…every line…. Sirius' eyes fluttered shut and his whole body shuddered as Remus continued to trace his fingers lower, over the other man's lips. Remus' breath caught as he felt that rough tongue graze his fingers ever so slightly, his hot breath making him tremble, and all at once he felt himself being pulled closer into his strong arms, Sirius' mouth descending desperately towards his own….

Remus almost gasped aloud. Having wanted this for so long made him almost delirious with desire. The sensation of Sirius' lips pressing against his was more than he thought he could bear. He arched his back reflexively, pushing himself further still against the taller man, fighting for control.

"_Sirius_…."

He moaned the name over and over again, grasping handfuls of shirt and hair and skin and pressing against him closer, wanting to touch him everywhere. Sirius' musky, intoxicating scent washed over him, bathing him, caressing his skin and dizzying his senses. He hungered for more and captured Sirius' mouth over and over again, opening himself completely. _Damn him_…_he wasn't supposed to taste this good_…_he_ _wasn't_….

He roughly pushed Sirius up against the wall and pulled his collar loose, nuzzling and biting at his neck until Sirius moaned aloud, unable to contain the utter pleasure that he was experiencing.

Sirius' hands slid up Remus' back and he clawed at his shirt, desperately wanting to rip it off so that he could feel his skin beneath. He brought his hands to the other man's chest before creeping lower to run across his stomach and the wizard had to bite his lip to stop himself crying out aloud.

Sirius traced his fingers down the other man's hands and tenderly laced their fingers together, but a mere second later Remus suddenly pulled away from his kiss, startling him, and the taller man dropped his hands to Remus' hips to steady himself, their foreheads resting against each other as they struggled to control their breathing.

"What is it?" Sirius gasped. "What's wrong?"

Remus pulled away and gaped open-mouthed, his ring finger tingling from Sirius' touch. _What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?_

And without even explaining, he turned and ran, appalled at himself, leaving the bewildered man alone and confused and hurt.

Without even thinking Remus shot through the door and corridor and fumbled with the lock on the front door, the blood coursing through his veins until he felt sure he would burst. He didn't stop running until he reached the street outside. The trembling wizard collapsed against a wall, breathless and confused, his head spinning. His heart thundered against his ribcage and he gasped into his hands.

_What have I done?_

His whole body felt numb. He repeated the same sentence in his mind over and over again until it lost all meaning.

_What the hell have I done?_


	7. The Penny Drops

**-------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 6: The Penny Drops**

**-------------------------------------------**

Less than ten minutes later Harry rushed into the kitchen and tossed his keys onto the table, his green eyes flashing. He had stepped out of his car mere seconds earlier after returning from Hermione's home, but what he had just seen had made him tear into the house at top speed.

"What just happened?" he demanded of Sirius as he came across the wizard leaning heavily against the worktop.

"What?" the taller man questioned hoarsely, whipping around to face his godson and reflexively pulling his opened collar a little closer around his neck.

"What do you think?" Harry retorted, rolling his eyes in exasperation. "_Remus!_ I just saw him fly down the road at a hundred miles an hour…he looked in a right state! Did you say anything to upset him?"

"No!" Sirius replied defensively, reddening and lowering his gaze.

Harry suddenly frowned as he surveyed the nervous man. "There's something going on, isn't there?" he said evenly, searching Sirius' face for a clue.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh come off it," Harry scoffed. "I saw what happened when he arrived…you hardly looked at each other. And he barely said two words all evening. He can't stand to be in the same room as you."

Sirius turned away and nervously brushed a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you're talking about…."

"Sirius," Harry silenced him, a determined expression on his features. "What's going on? What's so bad that he – that he just _ran_ out like that?" He searched his face with concern. "Have you two had an argument? For God's sake, you've only been back a week, what can you…."

But his sentence suddenly trailed off as he glanced a little closer at the desolate man before him. Harry's eyes flickered. _Something doesn't fit_…. A strange look crossed Harry's features as he looked at him…really _looked_ at him…. He took in his flustered face and unbuttoned collar, the faint marks around his neck as if someone had tried to strangle him…or hold him….

His eyes then lowered to Sirius' raw lips.

Suddenly his mouth went dry.

_Oh my God_….

Harry's mouth dropped open and a look of complete shock crossed his face.

Sirius exhaled shakily and felt the tears prickle at the back of his eyelids. He hung his head and brought a trembling hand up to cover his eyes.

Harry felt his knees weaken and he stumbled backwards and fell heavily into the chair. His voice hoarsened.

"Oh. My. _God_."

He covered his mouth and stared at him, his mind working at a hundred miles an hour.

_No way_….

After nearly a whole minute Harry finally managed to choke out a sentence, his voice barely above a whisper. "That's why you left, isn't it?"

Sirius inhaled a deep breath and nodded dumbly. He saw no point in denying it anymore.

Harry couldn't tear his eyes away. "Oh my God."

A scuffling noise was suddenly heard in the corridor and a few seconds later Draco burst through the doorway.

"Ok, I've got vanilla and I've got strawb - "

The blonde wizard's voice trailed off as he took in the scene before him. He looked first at Harry, then Sirius, then back at Harry again.

"What?"

----------------------

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Remus didn't stop running until he was several streets away. It wasn't until he slowed to a halt, breathless and gasping, that he realised that he was crying. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks and he raised his hands to his face to stifle his sobs. He wiped his sleeve over his eyes roughly and shivered as Sirius' musky scent, buried deep within the cloth of his shirt, washed over him. That man had always been able to completely floor him with just a single look. And now, merely the image of him in Remus' mind was reducing him to absolute tears….

_God, what a mess…._

Remus kicked the wall in despair, frustration, and complete and utter hopelessness. He leaned his forehead against the cool brick and tried to still his trembling fingers. He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

_Get a grip_, he ordered himself firmly._ Get a grip_….

What the hell was going on? He could barely occupy the same room as the man without feeling hot and uncomfortable…he could barely look at him without drowning in his gaze and wanting to touch him all over….

And now Sirius had told him that he loved him. _Loved him_….

All over again, Remus felt himself struggle to breathe. He closed his eyes and exhaled shakily, feeling a fresh wave of tears overcome him. He fought to control himself but the pain was so unbearable…. It seemed that all he did these days was alternate between dizzying highs and gut-wrenching lows, all of them revolving around _him_….

_Nothing can happen_…_nothing_….

He just had to keep telling himself that.

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Having fobbed Draco off with a lame excuse and telling him to make a start on the ice cream with Tonks, Harry firmly shut the kitchen door and sat back down at the table. He rested his elbows on the wooden surface and cradled his head in his hands, his eyes covered by his palms. He spoke in a strangled voice. "I thought there was something going on with you two so I asked Draco to get Tonks out of here somehow…whilst I took Hermione home. I thought perhaps you two might talk…." He laughed hollowly. "It looks like you went one better than that…."

Sirius winced and dropped himself into the chair opposite Harry, his eyes glued to the table between them. "I – I never meant for you to find out like this…."

Harry looked up. "What? That you're fooling around with our friend's _husband?_" He quickly looked over his shoulder at the door and his voice lowered."_What the hell were you thinking, Sirius?_" he hissed.

Sirius stiffened and felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He glared at the younger wizard, his nostrils flaring slightly. "It's not _fooling around_ - "

"Well what is it then?"

Sirius swallowed and looked away quickly.

Harry gazed at him and whispered. "Are you – are you in _love_ with him?"

Sirius remained silent, but the look that crossed his face was unmistakable.

Harry's eyes widened at the silent confession.

"Is – is he in love with _you_…?"

There were a few moments of silence, during which Sirius fumbled with his cuffs, his lips trembling slightly.

"No."

Harry looked at him seriously, his eyes suddenly softening. "Nothing can happen," he whispered. "You know that…he's with _Tonks_ now…."

Suddenly the door burst open and the witch herself bore down upon them, a half empty bowl in her hand.

"Come on, guys," she mumbled, her mouth full of ice cream. "There'll be none left if you don't get a move on! Hey – where's Remus by the way?"

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Barely containing her anger, Tonks burst into her own living room and advanced upon her husband who was sitting alone on the couch. Without giving him the chance to speak, she marched up to him, her cheeks flaming. "What the hell's got into you?"

He didn't look at her.

"I asked you a question."

"Nothing," he replied bluntly.

Tonks bristled. "Stop shutting me _out_, Remus - you just leave Draco and Harry's without any warning and there's _nothing going on?_" Her hair glowed a hot pink as her temper flared.

"I said it's nothing," came the hollow reply. "I just needed some air."

"Just tell me what's going on!"

Alright, I kissed Sirius and it was incredible. Happy? 

Remus continued to stare at the floor in silence.

Tonks lost her patience. "Look, I don't know what's going on but just snap _out_ of it - "

"Let's go away," Remus suddenly blurted, not really knowing where the idea had sprung from.

"What?" She was momentarily taken aback by this sudden outburst and lost her train of thought.

"Let's go away," he repeated with more conviction, his eyes darting up to meet hers. "You and me."

"What…?" the bewildered witch spluttered. "When?"

"Tomorrow, the day after…whenever, I don't care."

"Don't be ridiculous, we've got work! We can't just…what's got into you, Remus? This isn't like you."

_Neither is kissing Sirius, but I did that._

Tonks knelt on the floor before him, searching his amber eyes for a hint of what was causing this bizarre behaviour. She exhaled heavily, feeling a prickling behind her eyelids. "Remus - " She had to stop, feeling a lump rise in her throat. "Just _tell_ me…what's going _on?_"

Remus gritted his teeth and rose from the couch.

"I already told you – _nothing_."

And with that he swept out of the room, leaving his wife feeling bewildered and alone and hurt.

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Harry washed the same dish for the fourth time, his mind preoccupied as he replayed his conversation with Sirius over and over again in his mind. A sudden, loud _CRACK_ caused him to jump and he dropped the plate that he was holding.

"Bloody hell!" He whipped out his wand with lightning reflexes and turned instantly on the spot – to see a red-haired witch in the middle of his kitchen with tears streaming down her face.

"Tonks!" he exclaimed, quickly replacing his wand and rushing to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Harry," she mumbled between sobs as she eyed the broken crockery. Tonks whispered a quick spell and the broken shards leapt upwards, reconfiguring in midair before jumping onto the draining board.

"I – I'm sorry for just Apparating here like this," she sniffled. "I just – I just…."

"Never mind that," Harry dismissed, pulling her towards him although his insides were starting to turn over. "Come here…." As he held her, a sinking feeling arose in the pit of his stomach.

"Oh, it's just _Remus_…." she sobbed into his shoulder. "There's something going on…I know there is…."

"What do you mean…?" he asked hollowly, his heart in his mouth.

"He's just being so _distant_ and I don't know why…."

_She doesn't know_. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Then immediately felt guilty.

Tonks drew back slightly and wiped her eyes. "It's like there's this huge thing but he just won't _tell_ me…. I just don't know how to get him to talk about it…." She shook her head sadly. "We used to be able to tell each other _everything_…." She shoved her hands in her pockets and paced the kitchen, chewing on her lip thoughtfully.

Harry looked at her wordlessly, not knowing what to say. He felt his cheeks redden slightly.

Tonks stopped and faced him again. "Has he said anything to you?"

Harry shook his head. "No," he said truthfully. He dropped his gaze a little, hating himself for not telling her.

Tonks sniffled and smiled slightly. "Oh, I'm just being silly aren't I?" She rubbed her hands over her face and rolled her eyes at herself. "I mean if it were something important he'd tell me."

Harry looked at her. _You have to tell her, you idiot. She deserves to know._

"Yeah…." Harry agreed weakly, swallowing the lump that had risen in his throat.

Tonks blew her nose on her hanky. "Thanks, Harry…I'm sorry for being such an idiot."

She remained silent for a few seconds, but suddenly her breathing quickened and she raked her hands through her hair in frustration.

"Oh, who am I kidding…." She whirled around to face him. "It's Sirius, isn't it? I just know it!"

Harry's eyes widened and he gawped at her.

Tonks' eyes flashed in exasperation. "I mean it's obvious that they've had some kind of _argument_ or something." Her words came out in a rush. "I told Remus not to be silly…that Sirius hasn't forgotten about him just because he's been spending more time with you since he returned. I mean he's your godfather for goodness sake! But he just won't listen…he's been sulky ever since he arrived…."

Harry sighed and his breathing slowed down to a normal rate once more. "Oh, er – yes…. I expect that's it…."

"You must have noticed it, right?" She turned to him.

Harry stiffened, not knowing what to say. He scratched the back of his head nervously and reddened. "I – er - "

But Tonks carried on without noticing his hesitancy. "It's driving me crazy! Sometimes I feel like getting both of them and banging their heads together - "

She stopped and looked at Harry, a sudden flash of inspiration coming to her.

He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

Tonks kissed the startled wizard on the cheek and squeezed his shoulders affectionately. "Thanks for the talk!"

And without further ado, she Disapparated.

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	8. Tonks Intervenes

This chapter is a higher rating, so please don't read this if you're under 17. Thank you!

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**Chapter 7: Tonks Intervenes**

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Dumbledore paced the Room of Requirement nervously, wondering if this plan was going to fall through. Perhaps it was a bit rushed? He glanced into the mirror beside the doorway for the umpteenth time to check his appearance. Beard too long? No, it seemed about right. Glasses the right shape? Half moon, yes. And the purple cloak was certainly passable. "Not bad if I do say so myself," the wizard muttered approvingly.

_Ah, the voice_. He grimaced. He'd have to work on that.

There was a knock at the door.

Dumbledore jumped a little and cleared his throat. "Come in."

Remus burst in, looking slightly dishevelled as if he had come in a hurry. "I came as soon as I could, Albus." He quickly walked up to the wizard and shook his hand. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, er - " The wizard faltered. "I'll explain in a second." He clasped and unclasped his hands for a few moments. "Um - terrible weather we've been having…."

Remus gave the older wizard a sidelong glance and frowned a little. Something wasn't quite right. Albus had requested that he urgently meet him when his face had appeared in Remus' fireplace just ten minutes earlier. But now he wanted to talk about the weather?

Before he could open his mouth to reply, there was another swift knock at the door and a man hurriedly burst in.

"Headmaster! Is everything al - "

Sirius stepped into the room and his gaze instantly flew to Remus. His expression immediately hardened. "What's going on - "

"That's exactly what I'd like to know!" Dumbledore exclaimed. He twirled on the spot once and whispered an incantation. The spinning figure changed shape a few times, the outline blurring a little, and finally slowed down to reveal -

"_TONKS!_"Remus and Sirius both gaped, utterly stunned.

The witch brushed herself off and smoothed down her skirt. "I don't know _how_ Dumbledore can cope with all those layers," she muttered. "And that cloak! So _heavy_…."

Remus instantly paled and he pressed his lips together firmly in annoyance, one word rattling around his brain. _Metamorphmagus_.

Sirius glared thunderously at the two, his eyes flashing darkly. "What's going on?"

Remus felt his temper rise and he glared back at the dark-haired man. "Don't look at me! _I_ didn't - "

"That's right, he didn't," Tonks interrupted, her voice impatient. "_I_ did…." She glared at them both. "Because I'm _fed up_ of you two!"

Remus turned to his wife angrily. "I can't believe you impersonated _Dumbledore!_" he spluttered. "Do you realise how irresponsible that is? Suppose someone had seen you? Suppose _Dumbledore_ had seen you!"

"Oh, put a sock in it, Remus," she grumbled, her hands on her hips.

Sirius glowered and turned to leave. "_Well I'll be off_." His words were pure ice.

"You're not going anywhere!" Tonks commanded hotly. "You are both going to stay here and talk about whatever it is that is making you both act like a couple of stubborn children!"

She stared at the two wizards for a long moment, but when neither of them so much as looked at each other she snapped. "Oh, I give up!" She exhaled loudly and threw her hands up in the air. "Look, I don't know what's going on, and I don't care how long this takes…just - just sort it out!"

And with that she turned on her heel and strode through the door, slamming it as she exited the room.

There was a long moment of silence during which neither wizard moved.

"Well," Sirius said hollowly. "You've certainly got a little firecracker there."

Remus stood rigidly in the centre of the room, fuming silently. _I can't believe that witch_.

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and eyed the other man defiantly. "Well…it's just you and me again…how _nice_…." His voice trailed off bitterly. "This seems to be happening quite a lot lately."

Remus bristled and he clenched his fists by his sides.

"So we have to talk, do we?" Sirius continued, knowing that he was rambling but nevertheless feeling uncomfortable with the silence. He flicked his gaze to the other wizard.

Nothing.

"Well I'll go first, shall I? I suppose I should start with my childhood…." he continued sarcastically.

Remus interrupted him bitterly. "Stop it," he commanded, his voice deadly even.

"Stop?" Sirius mocked, raising his eyebrows. He gestured exaggeratedly at the door that Tonks had walked out of. "I don't think you heard the lady - "

Remus drew his wand and pointed it shakily at the infuriating man. "I said _stop!_" His eyes blazed and he advanced upon him.

Sirius stared at him incredulously. "Oh what now?" he mocked. "Are you going to transfigure me into a candlestick?"

Remus suddenly snapped. "Shut up!" In one startlingly swift movement he grabbed the front of Sirius shirt and shoved him backwards against the wall, his eyes flashing angrily. "Shut up! Just shut up!"

Sirius' eyes flew wide open. "What the hell's got into you?" He clawed at Remus' wrists but the other man didn't loosen his grip.

"How can you just stand here and smirk after what you said to me earlier?" Remus choked. "How can you?"

Sirius' expression changed to one of guilt. "Remus - " Sirius tried to push forwards but he was forced back, hard, against the wall once more. "What the hell are you doing?" Sirius barked, glaring at the man angrily. He grasped Remus' shoulders but the wizard had a strong hold on him and didn't give an inch.

"This is all a game to you, isn't?" Remus snapped angrily.

"It was you who ran off earlier," Sirius retorted, his nostrils flaring. His eyes flashed darkly. "I thought you made it pretty _clear_ what you want - " He mentally kicked himself in annoyance, angry that he had divulged this.

An incredulous look flashed across Remus' face. _So that's what this is about_. He stared at the man, his grip loosening as he digested the words. "I'm married, Sirius! What the hell do you expect? I'm _married_ - "

"SO YOU KEEP SAYING!" Sirius shouted, shoving Remus away with a strength that overpowered his own. "And I'm sick of hearing it!"

The physical contact ignited Remus' anger and his temper flared. "You told me you love me!"

He was now just a few feet away.

Sirius looked him straight in the eye. "Yeah I did," he said hoarsely. He turned away bitterly. "And you couldn't get away fast enough…."

Remus couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You think it's so easy, don't you?"

He felt himself start to shake. "How can I just give up everything? Just like that?" His voice faltered. "You've been away for so long…how can you – how can you - "

His lips trembled and he struggled to speak above a whisper.

" - how can you just come back and turn my life upside down?"

He closed his eyes and turned away, hating the way in which his voice was wobbling…hating the way in which it was obvious that he was hurting more than he let on…. "Everything was fine before you came!" he choked. "Fine!"

Sirius was silent for a long moment.

"If everything's so great with Tonks, then my being here shouldn't make a shred of difference," he whispered, his chest still heaving. He leant on the table beside him heavily, arms outstretched and palms flat on the surface, as he gathered his breath.

He finally turned his head to face him. "Does it?"

Remus avoided his gaze.

"Does my being here make a difference?"

Remus made the mistake of looking at him - and he immediately felt his resolve disappear.

"It does and you know it," he whispered hoarsely.

He crumbled under Sirius' intense gaze. "You've got no right to just turn up after so long and look at me like that, and – and touch me like that…. I hate you standing there and smirking when I can't even focus when I'm in the same room as you." He turned away. "I hate you acting so damn cool and calm, when it drives me crazy to even be _near_ you…. I - "

His voice faltered.

" - I look at you and I want you so damn much that it scares me to death."

His breath caught in his throat and he looked away, his chest heaving.

It was as if an invisible barrier had disappeared and they suddenly both realised what the other was truly feeling.

Sirius quickly closed the gap between them until he was right behind the wizard and Remus could feel his hot breath on his neck.

"Remi…."

Sirius placed his hand tenderly on his shoulder, moving it slowly towards his neck until his thumb brushed against Remus' bare skin.

"Don't, Sirius…." he said in a strangled voice. "Damn it, Sirius…don't…."

But Sirius didn't break the contact, instead moving closer and pulling the trembling man into his arms. He tentatively wrapped his arms around Remus' waist and drew him closer, whispering into the back of his neck, burying his lips into his unruly hair.

Neither of them was aware when the whispering stopped and the kisses began.

Remus felt himself turn around in Sirius' arms and he buried his head in the man's neck as every nerve in his body screamed out for more. His hands roamed down the front of Sirius' shirt, grasping possessively at the cloth and yearning to feel the hot skin beneath. His fingers tugged impatiently at the material until it was free from his waist and he pulled it slowly upwards, exposing Sirius' toned abdomen. He slid his hands further, delighting in the feel of his skin beneath his. Sirius moaned as Remus' fingers traced across his body, his own hands grasping at the wizard's hair, guiding Remus' head as he placed tender, open-mouthed kisses on the taller man's neck. The sensation was _incredible_…_so incredible_…and when Remus licked a slow trail from his collarbone to his ear he felt as though he could have happily died at that moment….

Remus felt himself being pressed against the wall and although his mind screamed at him to stop this _now_ the sight and smell and taste of the man before him was just _intoxicating_…. Without realising what he was doing he ripped Sirius' shirt open and yanked at the cloth until it fell on the ground, revealing his bare chest and arms. Remus swallowed hungrily as his gaze roamed over his body. He was so beautiful….

Sirius lifted a finger tenderly to the other man's chin, tilting it higher until their gazes locked. Remus felt himself get swept away by those dark glistening pools and he never wanted to resurface ever again. Sirius licked his lips slowly and leaned closer until their faces were barely an inch apart, his hot breath ghosting over Remus' cheeks until the man ached for his touch…and he captured his mouth in a devastatingly slow and thorough kiss. Sirius shifted slightly and thrust against the wizard's body, making Remus gasp into his mouth and press closer, bolts of lightning flashing behind his tightly shut eyelids. His hands moved desperately to Sirius' hips and he clawed restlessly at the fabric of his trousers as the man thrust harder against him, moaning aloud at the dizzying sensation that was flooding through his entire body.

Remus struggled to breathe, every fibre in his body aching to continue…but as his hands moved lower his mind screamed at him to stop. He silenced the voice with a low moan deep in his throat, but still it persisted. _No_, he argued back. _I want this_…_I want him_…_no_…. But as Sirius' hands and mouth moved over him heatedly the voice got louder, urging him to leave before things went too far.

"_No_…." Remus moaned softly in reply. "No…."

"No!" he shouted hoarsely.

Sirius abruptly stopped and looked questioningly at Remus, the hunger and desire in those heavily lidded eyes nearly driving Remus crazy.

And Remus knew what he had to do.

"I – I can't," Remus mumbled, hating himself. He pushed Sirius away from him roughly and looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry - "

Remus grasped at his shirt that now hung open, a few buttons missing after Sirius had forced his way through the cloth just seconds earlier, and pulled it to cover his heaving chest.

He couldn't bear to look at Sirius, couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry…."

"Stop it!" Sirius suddenly lashed out angrily, almost choking on the words. "Stop saying you're sorry! What the hell is this? You look at me and touch me like you want me then you just push me away and I'm sick of it!"

"I - "

"Do you even know what you want?"

_You_….

"Because I sure as hell have given up trying to figure it out!" Sirius' throat closed over and he struggled to control his voice. "Please, just make up your mind…because this - " he heaved a shaky breath "- this is killing me…."

He grabbed his shirt and wrenched open the door, slamming it as he left.

With the closed door a safe barrier between them, Sirius felt his emotions rush to the surface. He leaned back against the cold surface and closed his eyes, feeling the hot tears pricking at his eyelids. He hated himself for crying over Remus but he couldn't help it. He wanted that man so much it hurt. It was like an aching deep inside, gnawing at him and slowly tearing him apart. He felt hollow and vulnerable and so, so empty. He licked his dry lips, still tasting Remus on them, and his breath caught as he felt a sob rise in his throat. _Damn him. Damn him for making me feel like this_._ I should never have come back_…. He rubbed his red-rimmed eyes and buried his face in his hands, sliding down the doorway and hugging his trembling knees to his chest as he silently fell apart.

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	9. The Phone Call

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**Chapter 8: The Phone Call**

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"You did WHAT?" Harry exclaimed.

He had been pacing his kitchen uneasily ever since Tonks left, and he had just been about to Apparate to her house to ask her what she was planning when her head had appeared in his fireplace.

"I _said_," Tonks repeated impatiently, "I morphed into _Dumbledore_."

"Tonks! You can't – you can't just - "

"Oh, give it a rest," she snapped in annoyance, her hair emitting a few sparks. "I can and I did." She scowled at him. "I already got the third degree from Remus, I don't need one from _you_ as well…."

"Sorry, go on…." Harry mumbled, feeling that the worst was still to come.

Tonks huffed a little and continued. "So I stuck my head in both their fireplaces and said I wanted to see them urgently in the Room of Requirement - "

"In WHERE?" Harry echoed in disbelief.

Tonks rolled her eyes. Harry really wasn't reacting to her plan in quite the way that she had hoped. "I put them in the Room of Requirement together so that they can sort out this business, whatever it is, once and for all…." A split second later her hand suddenly flew to her mouth. She suddenly remembered that Harry was a teacher at Hogwarts and would of course frown upon such behaviour. "Oh _no_," she groaned. "I haven't got you into trouble, have I?"

But Harry hardly heard her. He wrung his hands together in despair, his mind reeling. This was going from bad to worse. _Remus and Sirius alone together_…in the _Room of Requirement_ no less.… All sorts of images started to run riot around his head.

"Well, I should get going," Tonks announced and she started to fade.

"Don't go back there!" Harry shouted hoarsely before she disappeared.

"What?" The witch's image brightened once more.

"The Room of Requirement," he blurted. "Don't go back! I mean, er – they've probably got a lot to er – _talk over_." He felt his mouth go dry as he said the words.

"Oh, no," Tonks said cheerily. "I wasn't going to. I'll just wait here at home until Remus gets back. I've got lots to get on with here anyway. Toodle-oo!" And with that, her head disappeared.

In five seconds flat, Harry grabbed his coat and Disapparated to Hogwarts.

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As soon as Harry's feet touched the cold earth just beyond the school gates he started running. He didn't stop until he reached the huge main doors, and it took him less than ten minutes to negotiate his way through the familiar passages and staircases to the corridor where the Room of Requirement was. Harry had been a teacher here at Hogwarts for the past six years and he knew every inch of the premises. He was quite out of breath by the time he rounded the last corner and stopped for a few seconds to lean against the wall before lighting up the corridor with a whispered _Lumos_.

And that's when he saw him.

Harry's heart very nearly broke to see his distraught godfather sobbing quietly, and without knowing what to say, or even if Sirius wanted him there, he slowly knelt beside him.

Sirius started a little and his eyes darted upwards desperately, hardly daring to hope. "_Remus?_" But then he saw his godson's concerned face staring back at him and once again a sob escaped his dry throat.

Wordlessly Harry pulled him into his arms and Sirius welcomed the embrace. He didn't care how Harry had found him. He was just glad that he was there.

The younger wizard held him for a long time and Sirius cried into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said weakly.

"What happened?"

"I made a complete fool of myself, that's what happened," he mumbled. He wiped his eyes roughly. "Every time I think that maybe there's something he just pulls away…." He shook his head. "No…there's nothing between us anymore…."

"Is that what he said…?" Harry asked softly.

"Oh he doesn't need to!" Sirius snapped bitterly. "He doesn't _love_ me…he just wants closure for what was left unfinished five years ago…so that he can move on…. I realise that now. God, I'm such a fool…."

After a few silent moments he straightened his shoulders slightly and glanced at his godson through his red-rimmed eyes.

"I - I have to go," he whispered slowly.

Harry started to stand. "Yeah, come on, let's - "

A pained expression crossed Sirius' face. "No, I mean…_go_." His voice lowered and he avoided the younger wizard's eyes.

Harry's voice trembled a little. "What…? You mean…?" He didn't know why he was asking the question - he already knew the answer.

"Yeah."

Harry felt a stab of hurt deep in his chest. "But – but you've only just come back," he protested, his voice rising slightly. "You can't - "

He was going to say _leave_ but the word stuck in his throat. His mind raced. He tried to think of a plausible reason for Sirius to stay but he couldn't think of one that didn't sound selfish. _You should stay because I want you to…because I like it when you're here…because I missed you when you were gone_….

No, he had to put Sirius' feelings first. Sirius was the one hurting here.

"I'm sorry, Harry." The taller wizard rubbed his eyes wearily. "I can't stay here…not after that…." He indicated the room behind him sadly. "…I think it's for the best."

Harry nodded dumbly, not believing it for a second but feeling unable to say anything. If Sirius had made up his mind, then he knew that nothing would change it. He was a stubborn man…when had he ever listened to anyone? Never. He wasn't about to start now.

"Where will you go?" Harry asked hollowly. He blinked a few times, feeling a horrible prickling at the back of his eyelids.

"I don't know…probably back to Hungary for a while, to my place there…I think I just need some time alone for a while."

"Yeah, of course."

Harry fumbled with his hands as Sirius slowly rose from the floor. "I'll help you pack…?" He knew the offer was futile. To say that Sirius travelled light was an understatement. Putting his wand in his sleeve was about the full extent of the packing he ever did. The truth was, Harry just wanted to hang on to him for as long as possible, and they both knew it.

Sirius squeezed his shoulder affectionately and faced him. "No, it's best if we say goodbye here. It'll be easier that way." He didn't want to draw the pain out any longer than necessary.

Sirius pulled Harry close to him and hugged him fiercely, hating himself for leaving his godson like this but hating even more the idea of staying and having to face Remus. "You mean the world to me…you know that, don't you?" He felt like a coward. Harry needed him too…but he knew he couldn't face being here anymore. He just couldn't. He smiled sadly. "I would stay if I could, Harry. Really I would…maybe if I had your bravery, eh?" He attempted a grin but the pain behind his eyes betrayed him.

"I'll miss you…." Harry sniffled and held him tighter. "It's not fair," he choked. "Why do you have to go? It's not fair, it's not…." He bit his lip, holding back all the things he wanted to say.

"You can visit whenever you like," Sirius offered lamely. "You're always welcome, you know that…."

"But it's not the same…."

The older man sighed. "I know. I know it's not."

"Goodbye, Harry." Sirius held him for one last moment, kissed the top of his head and affectionately ruffled his hair.

Harry watched him walk away, and his lips mouthed the word that he couldn't bring himself to say.

_Goodbye_.

---------------------------------

---------------------------------

Back at his flat, Harry leaned back on his couch and stared at the ceiling.

He couldn't believe all this. He thought back to when he had been younger. He had always thought that wizards like Remus and Sirius had the answers to everything, but now he could see that they were just as vulnerable as everyone else…maybe even more so. They held their insecurities deep inside themselves until they were finally destroyed by them.

A knock at the door brought Harry back to the present and he rushed to open it, thinking maybe -

Hermione. Harry tried hard to wipe the disappointment from his face but he was fooling no one.

"Who were you hoping for?" the witch asked kindly.

"Sirius…he's gone."

"Gone where?"

Harry gave her a long look. "_Gone_."

Hermione sighed and bit her lip. "Is this about…Remus?"

Harry's eyes widened. "You - ? You know? How long have you - ?"

"I didn't really," she confessed. "But I suspected." She settled herself onto the couch and they were both silent. Hermione waited for Harry to speak, sensing that he needed to get things off his chest.

"Sirius just _left_," he finally said, blinking back tears. "Like he did last time. I can't imagine leaving like that, Hermione. I could _never_ do that to Draco. _Never_…." He shuddered at the thought.

"You know that your love is returned though, don't you?" Hermione said wisely. "Sirius doesn't. He must have been scared, Harry. It wasn't easy for him to go all those years ago."

"Did you know? Back then, I mean…. Did you know?"

Hermione sighed. "I had an idea. I was never sure, though. I know he would have told me if I asked, but I just thought I'd wait for him to bring it up."

"But why the secrecy?" Harry asked. "Why did they feel they had to hide their relationship?"

"Oh come on, Harry. You must remember what it was like then," Hermione interrupted. "We were all scared. Voldemort had only just been overthrown and we still didn't know if any Death Eaters would still come out of the woodwork. We were too damn frightened to even have relationships for fear of our loved ones being hurt or used against us. And those of us that did kept it hidden in case the information leaked to Voldemort's supporters…."

She stopped to take a breath but her voice caught in her throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She covered her eyes with her hands, quite overwhelmed by the memories that had come back to her.

Harry's expression softened. "That's ok," he whispered quietly. He rubbed her back. "You're right, of course. I just wish he'd told _me_. I could have helped him. I could have made him stay if only I'd known." He felt a sob rise in his throat. "Why couldn't he tell me? I'm not just anyone, I'm his godson! I could have made things easier for him, I could have - "

"Harry, don't blame yourself - "

"And now! I can't believe I let him go again…I just watched him walk away…. Why can't they both just sort this whole mess out? Then Sirius can come back and stay. He belongs here," he said resentfully.

"Harry, it's not as simple as that - "

She suddenly stopped. She knew him well enough to know that her words wouldn't console him. They spent most of the rest of her visit in silence.

That night Harry went to sleep with one thought in his mind.

I have to talk to Remus.

---------------------------------

---------------------------------

The next day at lunch time, having wolfed down his food much to the amusement of the rest of the staff at the Head table, Harry quickly made his excuses and rushed off the school grounds. He stepped beyond the gates and Apparated immediately to the nearest telephone box. He hurriedly dialled the required _62442_ and stated his identity and reason for visiting the Ministry of Magic. Just like Hogwarts, there were numerous wards placed around the Ministry premises to prevent Apparition directly into the building, and Harry, famous though he was, had to go through the usual entrance procedure just like everyone else.

Once he gained entry into the building he hastily made his way to Level 6 - _The Department of Magical Transportation_ - where Remus worked. He had visited him here before, and knew exactly where to find him. Remus was just exiting his office, shuffling a sheaf of paper in his hands, when the younger wizard saw him. Remus had been having a hard time concentrating that morning, and had immersed himself in his work in order to fill the empty void that he couldn't help feeling. He looked up and saw his friend approaching.

"Harry! How are you - "

Harry didn't waste time with pleasantries. He forced Remus back into his office and followed him.

"I _know_," he said, slamming the door behind them both.

Remus blinked. "Know what?" he asked, a little bewildered by Harry's behaviour. He turned to his desk.

"About you and Sirius."

Remus whirled around instantly. He saw Harry's stony expression and he immediately felt his legs begin to give way. "What do you know…?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I _know_." Harry replied firmly, looking him straight in the eye.

Remus stared at him in horror.

"He didn't tell me," Harry made clear, holding his hands up. "He didn't have to."

"Does Tonks - ?" Remus choked hoarsely, panic rising in his stomach.

"I haven't said anything."

"Oh, thank God…." The older wizard raised a hand to his eyes in relief.

"She's going to find out though," Harry said sternly. "Not from me," he quickly added, as Remus' desperate gaze flicked towards him. "But she will…eventually."

Remus rubbed his eyes sadly and his fingers started to tremble. "I don't know what to do, Harry. I care about her so much, I do…but _Sirius_, God…." His voice trailed off. "He drives me _crazy_…."

Harry suddenly felt a jolt of resent. "It's not fair on either of them, Remus. Do you think it's easy for Sirius to see you with her? He's in love with you! He _knows_ you're not in love with him, so just end things properly so he can move on! Don't keep him hanging like this!"

Remus felt a knife stab through his heart.

"What?" he whispered, searching Harry's face. "He _said_ that?"

Harry was silent.

"He – he actually said that? He thinks I don't love him…?" He sat down heavily on his chair and held his head in hands. For some reason, the thought of Sirius believing that Remus didn't love him was far, far worse than anything else that Harry had said. "He thinks I don't…?"

"Well you don't, do you?" Harry retorted. "This – all this was just closure, wasn't it?" His voice lowered uncertainly. "You're not in…in _love_ with him…." - his breath caught in his throat - "…are you?"

One look at Remus was all he needed to answer his question.

"No," Harry said hoarsely. "No - you're confused, you're not thinking straight…."

But suddenly Remus felt as though he was truly thinking clearly for the first time. When his voice came it was barely above a whisper. "I loved him before he left all those years ago…and every day since."

Harry stared at him incredulously as he digested this.

"Then you have to end it with Tonks! You can't go _on_ like this."

"It's not as easy as that!" Remus snapped. "How can I do that to her? How can I?"

His hands muffled his words. "I can't just break her heart like that."

Harry just stared at him, stunned. "So are you going to break yours instead?"

Remus turned away sadly.

I don't know. I just don't know….

---------------------------------

---------------------------------

Harry's head appeared in Hermione's fireplace.

"I've got to find him."

Hermione spun around towards the source of the voice and saw Harry's face staring at her, a grim expression on his features.

"Find who?"

"Sirius. I'm going to find him."

"Harry! But - "

"I've got to, Hermione, _soon_…."

"Why is it suddenly so urgent?" she asked in confusion. "Last night you - "

"I just talked to Remus."

Hermione stopped still. "What did he say?"

Harry hesitated. He didn't know if he should tell her. "He said something that changes everything," he said softly.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Hermione questioned, knowing how headstrong Harry was. She wrung her hands together. "Maybe he needs some time to calm down a bit. He'll probably come back by himself…."

Harry gave her an incredulous look.

"Well give it a few days at least," she said reasonably. "Let him think things over first."

Harry remained silent.

Hermione knew him better than to leave it at that. "You won't do any good just running to him and dragging him back if he doesn't want to be here," she said firmly. "Look, give it three days and then I'll come with you myself, ok?" She eyed him closely. "Ok?"

"I'm late for my next class," he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

"Harry! Promise me!"

"Oh, alright," he mumbled, frowning slightly. "I'll wait."

His head disappeared from the fireplace.

---------------------------------

---------------------------------

"Class dismissed."

Harry sat back down at his desk as the students filed out. It was 2:20pm, he had just finished his last class of the day, and he had half a week's worth of marking to catch up on. He settled himself down with a stack of essays before him and lifted the first one.

_Three days_, Harry thought in exasperation as his mind wandered to his earlier conversation with Hermione. He couldn't _believe_ that he had agreed to that.

Sirius could be anywhere by that time. That man knows more hiding places than anyone. I'll never find him if I leave it three days….

He groaned and focussed his attention on the essay in front of him and tried to concentrate. He read the same sentence four times and snorted. He had been eagerly waiting to read his students' response to the essay that he had set but now he found he couldn't get past the first line. He tried to concentrate on what he was doing but he just couldn't stop thinking about Sirius. _Right_, he finally decided, eyeing up the stack of papers before him. _As soon as I finish up here I'll go and find him_. He felt a little guilty at this. He just hoped that Hermione would not get suspicious.

Harry's eyes flicked to the clock and he exhaled impatiently. It would take at least an hour to mark all this. He drummed his fingers on his desk.

_Maybe I could leave fifteen minutes early…._

_Or maybe twenty-five minutes?_

_Actually_, _if I just go right now then it'll be more time efficient because_….

He put down the essay and grabbed his cloak.

He was halfway through the door when his phone suddenly ran. He had bought two phones - one for Draco and one for himself - the previous year so that the two contact each other easier. It had taken Draco about three months to actually agree to use it, but ever since then he and his phone had been inseparable.

Harry answered it. "Hi you," he said automatically, knowing who it was.

"Hi, has your class finished?" It was obvious from the sound of Draco's voice that he was smiling. "Listen, I managed to get the afternoon off, why don't we spend it together - "

"Oh, Draco, I can't – I'm sorry…." Harry replied instantly. He cursed the timing. Ordinarily he would have jumped at the chance to spend an afternoon with his fiancé. He was half inclined to take him up on his offer…. But _no_. This was more important.

"Oh come on," Draco coaxed. "You just catch up on marking on Friday afternoons don't you?"

"I know, but, er – I've got a lot to do today…." Harry replied weakly. He fidgeted a little, not knowing why he wasn't just telling Draco the truth. At the back of his mind, he somehow knew that Draco would try and talk him out of it.

"Can't it wait?" Draco argued, a little hurt. "You know it's been absolutely ages since we've had the chance to spend an afternoon - "

"Look I just can't," Harry interrupted, rather more stiffly than he had intended. "I've got too much to do."

"Oh fine then," his fiancé huffed quietly. "Go and do your _marking_."

"Draco," Harry said tiredly, "I'm sorry, really - "

Draco put the phone down in annoyance. He slung it onto the table and sat heavily on the couch. After a few seconds he felt a twinge of guilt…Harry had to do his work, after all…. But he felt hurt that Harry didn't at least entertain the idea for a while. It had been an outright NO.

Harry stared dumbly at his phone for a long moment, feeling sad. He and Draco rarely argued. And _never_ for silly things like _this_. He was half inclined to abandon his plans and go home instead, but quickly scolded himself. No – this was more important. He'd make it up to Draco when he got back. Right now it was vital that he find Sirius.

And he knew _exactly_ where to start looking.

---------------------------------

---------------------------------

Later that evening Draco's eyes flicked to the clock on the kitchen wall.

_8:10_

He frowned a little, wondering what could be keeping Harry. He usually finished work at around five o' clock on Fridays. Six-thirty at the _latest_. He sighed and turned back to the kettle and switched it on. Five minutes later, as he poured himself a cup of tea, he reflexively glanced at the clock again. He immediately snorted at himself.

_You're not even married yet and already you're wondering where he is. Stop it._

Ordinarily Draco wouldn't have been so worked up, but he was angry with himself for being so unreasonable when he had phoned Harry earlier. He grimaced a little. He shouldn't have been so abrupt. When Harry returned home he'd definitely apologise. In fact, he mused, Harry was probably staying late on purpose to make a point. He chuckled a little and reached for his mug. He carried it through to the living room and settled down to make a start on his paperwork.

He had just started to review a report that one of his juniors had handed to him when Hermione's head popped into the fireplace.

"Hi Draco, is Harry here?" she asked urgently.

"Oh, hi Hermione," he greeted her. "No, I think he's probably still at work. I thought he'd be back by now actually, but I'm sure he just got held up…." He winked at her. "I was going to ring him but I thought I wouldn't do the whole 'jealous husband' routine just yet." He started to chuckle but then stopped suddenly, noticing Hermione's worried look. "Everything alright?"

"Oh no," she muttered to herself. "I knew he'd do this…." She had felt uneasy ever since her conversation with Harry and now realised that her hunch had been right. "Draco, I'm not a hundred percent sure but I think he's - "

Draco's phone rang.

"Oh, that'll be him now," the blonde said.

Hermione sighed with relief. "Oh good, answer it."

Draco reached for the phone and smiled as he spoke. "I'm so glad you called, listen - I'm sorry about earlier - "

A woman's voice interrupted him. "Oh, I'm sorry – I'm looking for Mr. Malfoy…."

"Oh, er, yes - that's me," Draco replied quickly, embarrassed. "How can I help you?"

"I'm sorry to phone you like this," she continued. "I found your details in Mr. Potter's wallet."

"Oh, he always leaves that thing lying around. Just hand it to - "

"Are you a relative of his?"

_Why does this person want to know…?_

"I'm his fiancé…why?" Draco asked, his voice rising slightly. The hairs on the back of his neck started to shiver.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this…."

Draco felt his blood run cold.

"Wh - what?" he choked hoarsely.

There were a few moments of silence.

"There's been an accident."


	10. Grim Reality

After a very long wait, here's chapter 9!

**-------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 9: Grim Reality**

**-------------------------------------------**

Draco choked.

_What?_

The next few sentences that the lady uttered were completely lost on him as his brain just ceased to function.

_Accident_…_God no_….

The lady heard nothing but silence so she continued speaking.

"I'm sorry sir, he was brought here half an hour ago…."

"No…no…please God…." Draco moaned hoarsely, feeling his entire world collapse around him.

Hermione's eyes widened in horror as she watched the scene before her. "What is it?"

The woman's kind voice continued. "…if you could just answer a few questions - "

"Where is he?" Draco demanded into the mouthpiece of the telephone, hot tears thickening his voice.

"Firstly could I just - "

"I SAID WHERE IS HE?" he shouted, his anger rising.

"He's been transferred to St. Mun - "

The phone instantly dropped from Draco's hand and he Disapparated immediately with a violent _CRACK_.

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Draco couldn't think straight as he reappeared in the brightly lit entrance of St Mungo's hospital. Hell, he could barely think at all. All coherent thought had been thrust out of his mind when he had heard those words…. His stomach twisted again. He grabbed the first person he laid eyes on – a middle-aged gentleman in Healer's robes with a kind face.

"I'm looking for Harry Potter - " Draco blurted out, his fingers gripping the wizard's arm tightly.

"If you just ask at the desk at the end of the corri - " the man started to reply.

Draco continued to grip his arm. "I said where is he?" he demanded, more forcefully

The man frowned, clearly affronted. "_Sir_, you'll have to ask at the - "

"I SAID WHERE THE HELL IS HE?"

Hermione suddenly Apparated out of thin air. One look at Draco's face had told her that _this_ would be where he had gone. And she had been right.

"Sir!" the man retorted stiffly to Draco. "I'm going to have to ask you to _calm down_."

Draco lunged at the man, his eyes flashing angrily. "DON'T YOU _DARE_ TELL ME TO - "

"Draco!" Hermione screamed, grabbing his arm. "No! Just leave it, wait here – I'll go and find out."

It was as if Hermione's appearance had jolted something inside him, and Draco released the man suddenly. He mumbled an apology as the Healer walked away, muttering under his breath. Draco raked his hands through his hair in frustration and a thousand horrible images floated into his head. _Harry laying on the ground…still…lifeless…._ Tears prickled at his eyes and he rubbed his face clumsily. Then all of a sudden he remembered their earlier phone conversation and his stomach twisted painfully. _Oh God_…. He felt as though he might be sick.

Hermione quickly returned and her heart nearly ripped apart to see Draco so distraught. In all the years that she had known him she had never seen him like this. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks and he collapsed against her desperately. She pulled the trembling man into her arms.

"I shouted at him," he choked. "I argued with him for staying at work. He thought I was mad…."

"Draco…shh…." Tears started to roll down her own cheeks.

"Oh God," Draco whispered, "please let him be alright, please…."

"He's on the third floor, that's all they could tell me - come on…."

Draco barely registered the sights and sounds of the hospital around him as he let Hermione drag him up the stairs towards the third floor. They rushed to the door and Draco reached out his hand for the door handle -

"I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in just yet," a calm voice interrupted them.

Why is everyone being polite and calling me sir yet they won't let me see him? 

"He's my fiancé," Draco cried as he spun around to face a young man in Medi-wizard robes of deep green. His anger rose once more. "I'll do what the hell I like!"

"_Sir_ - " The wizard looked at him calmly. "_Please_…if you could just wait outside for a few moments, we'd be really grateful. We'll let you in as soon as we possibly can."

"Thank you," Hermione replied firmly, cutting off Draco as he opened his mouth to shout at the man again. She placed a hand on Draco's arm to prevent him bursting into the room. Draco exhaled impatiently and leant against the wall, burying his head in his arms helplessly. Hermione rubbed his back gently, unable to find any words to comfort him. "I should let the others know," she whispered softly. "Remus, Tonks…." _Sirius_, she added quietly to herself. She couldn't be sure where he was, but she had a pretty good idea.

But Draco was barely listening. All he could think of was how unreal this whole situation was. Earlier that very same day he had been speaking to Harry, and _now_…. "What happened?" Draco whispered, almost to himself, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks and soaking his sleeves. "What the hell happened…?"

-------------------------------

-------------------------------

Miles away, Tonks' face paled as she received the news.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Remus asked as he saw the look of utter shock on his wife's face.

"That was Hermione…we have to get to the hospital…." She turned to Remus in utter disbelief and a tear slid down her cheek. "It's Harry."

-------------------------------

-------------------------------

"You may go in now."

Draco whipped his head up and stared at the kindly nurse before him.

He wiped his face on his sleeve and swallowed. "I can…?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes," she replied, nodding.

Draco hesitated. Although all he wanted to do was rush into the room and hold Harry in his arms, he was suddenly scared stiff. Hermione rose from her seat beside the doorway and reached out for Draco's arm. After a reassuring squeeze of her hand on his, they entered Harry's room together.

Draco felt a fresh wave of tears engulf him as he caught sight of the pale man lying on the bed. Harry's limp, unmoving form lay stark against the white sheets. He tried to say Harry's name but his throat closed over. He rushed to his bedside and buried his face in the dark-haired man's neck, a sob rising in his throat. He stroked Harry's dark, unruly hair, his desperate words barely audible.

"My angel…my beautiful angel…."

-------------------------------

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Tonks and Remus hurried up the stairs of St Mungo's hospital to the third floor. Tonks had just belted up two stairs at once when she suddenly stopped.

"You know – I should really get Draco and Hermione a cup of tea. Goodness knows how long they've been here. I'll only be a minute, you go ahead without me."

"Good idea," her husband replied, nodding, and watched Tonks rush back down to the floor below.

Remus hurried up the remaining steps and along the corridor, looking for any sign as to which room he should enter.

Then he saw him. _Him_….

Sirius, leaning against the wall outside the hospital room, his head in his hands, was sobbing violently.

"_Sirius_…" Remus choked hoarsely. He didn't even know that he was running towards the man until he reached him. He didn't care who saw, all he knew was that he had to hold him, comfort him…. "Oh, Sirius…."

Within a few seconds he had tugged the man into his arms and held him fiercely as the taller wizard collapsed against him, his shoulders heaving. The dark-haired wizard gasped out loud and clung to Remus desperately, unable to speak. He let himself be held, grateful for the comfort as the tears continued to stream down his cheeks, flowing faster and heavier until they soaked the front of Remus' shirt.

"Oh God, Sirius…" he mumbled into his hair. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…." Remus pulled him close and rubbed his back with a strong hand. He stroked his hair tenderly, wanting more than anything to take the pain away…but he didn't know how. Sirius looked completely and utterly broken and it was all he could do not to dissolve into tears himself. He planted a soft kiss in that unruly black hair and continued to stroke him until his sobs subsided.

"I – I can't go in there…." Sirius whispered without facing him.

"Siri, he needs you," Remus whispered back.

"I can't bear it…I can't…." He broke down into a fresh wave of tears.

"Shh…."

"I can't do this," he sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm not strong like you, Remus…."

Remus drew back slightly and managed a small smile. "Then I'll be strong enough for both of us," he whispered tenderly, meeting his eyes. He wanted Sirius to know that he meant it.

Sirius felt his lips tremble.

"I want to help you," Remus continued softly, still holding his gaze. "Please…let me…." He raised his hand to Sirius' face and traced a gentle finger along his cheek.

Sirius closed his eyes and nodded, realising that he wanted to trust him, realising that he had never needed anyone as much as he did right now.

Remus threaded his fingers tenderly through Sirius' and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He led him slowly to the door. "I'm right here with you, ok?"

Sirius nodded again dumbly, his breathing rate starting to increase as he clumsily grasped the doorknob and entered the room.

Tonks, her fingers tightening around the cups of tea in her hands, watched this exchange from the end of the corridor with confusion. Her mind went over what she had just seen and she sat down heavily on a chair, raking a trembling hand through her short hair. _What the hell was that…? _She shook her head. What was going on? She had thought that they couldn't stand the sight of each other. Of course, she had expected Remus to be civil considering the circumstances, but this…. It was almost as if…as if….

_No. No no no_….

A cold feeling started to creep into her stomach but she snorted.

_Don't be silly._

"He's _comforting_ him for God's sake," she whispered to herself in annoyance.

She shook the thought from her head and started to follow the two into the room.

"Tonks!"

The witch whirled round at the call of her name, and saw a familiar red-haired man running towards her. Her jaw dropped.

"Charlie!"

She barely had time to put down the cups before he swooped upon her and engulfed her in a huge, warm hug.

"Charlie!" She squeezed against him for a long moment and it wasn't until he gently pulled away that she realised she was crying. It was a mixture of sadness about Harry, confusion about her husband, and happiness to see her old friend.

"It's so good to see you," she sniffed into his shoulder.

Charlie's expression grew to one of concern. "Have you seen him?" he whispered.

Tonks shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I'm going in now," she said in a low voice.

Charlie nodded gravely and stepped aside to allow her in first.

She moved towards the doorway but she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder.

"This wasn't how I'd envisaged us meeting up again," he whispered softly.

She gently squeezed his hand before it dropped from her shoulder.

They entered the room.

The scene they met was of Draco, his eyes red, bent almost double upon his chair beside Harry's bed as Sirius hugged him, stroking his white-blond hair soothingly. Draco had thought that he had no more tears left to cry, but this simple gesture, this show of affection brought him over the edge. He collapsed against the man and sobbed into his shoulder uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry…." Draco sniffled.

"Don't be silly," Sirius whispered, barely able to hold back his own tears.

They stayed like that for a long moment, and then Draco drew back, wiping his face on his sleeve. Remus, Sirius, Draco, Charlie and Tonks silently gazed at Harry's sleeping form and Hermione frowned a little, a thought suddenly occurring to her.

She looked at Charlie curiously. "How did you know about Harry - ?"

"Romania is just on the border," he explained quickly, thinking that they would instantly understand. "News travels fast," he added grimly. "I haven't told mum and dad yet, I didn't want to worry them…I came as soon as I could though - "

His voice trailed off as he realised that everyone was staring at him. Everyone knew that Charlie worked in Romania with dragons but they didn't see why it was relevant.

"What…?" Draco's eyes widened, as he slowly registered the word. _On the border_ ….

Charlie's expression flickered. "Oh – I thought you knew…." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not sure of the exact city in Hungary where Harry was but - "

"_Hungary_…?" Draco's eyes widened and his head snapped towards Harry and then back towards Charlie. He was silent for a few stunned moments. "Did you say _Hungary?_"

The red-haired wizard nodded.

Sirius's face whitened in shock and he instantly felt his throat go dry. He grabbed the edge of the bed to steady himself.

Hermione felt her heart sink and she avoided Sirius' eyes. _Oh God_….

Draco looked at Charlie in disbelief, that one word rattling around in his brain. _Hungary_…_Hungary_…. "What the hell was he doing _there?_ I don't understand…." He shook his head dumbly and ran a shaky hand through his blond hair.

Sirius barely made it through the door before he was violently sick.

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End file.
